Monday, October 22, 2012

Dunc the Punk vs. Joey Germ: One Direction

Yank Against Brit!

The first time Joey and Dunc met they got into a 30 minute punch up, hugged it out for 10 minutes, then drank for 13 hours straight!

ONE DIRECTION — Take Me Home (Columbia)


Take me home... and kill me, please! It makes perfect sense that One Direction come from the direction of Dunc’s beloved Blighty. Only Britain could manufacture a box of shit like this. The Limey’s have been sending us doorknobs with bad haircuts since the Beatles first washed up on our shores a million and a half years ago. And only England’s biggest twat, Simon Cowell, could love a band as cheesy as this. The One Direction should be down—down to the stinky bowels of hell. Be ashamed Dunc. Be very ashamed.

Dunc is not ashamed. Quite the opposite. Dunc is proud of the bulldog spirit of us Brits in times of war. You shermans think you can send over the quim seepage that constitutes Justin Bieber?* That's an act of war.

The only sensible counter strike was to send back the four cock wombles that are One Direction. The fact that they actually seem to get your tweens frothing at the gusset, and that you have missed the Bart-phoning-Moe-esque genius of making you all say ‘Wand Erection’ out loud is just hilarious icing on the comedy sexton. And don't even think about retaliating further or we'll mobilise the Piers Morgan clone army that we've been developing for years.

Dunc's guide to cockney:
Sherman (tank) = yank
Sexton (Blake) = cake

*Even though Bieber is a Canuck, the U.S. can and must accept the blame for launching his career.

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