Monday, December 31, 2007

R.I.P. Two Chicago Icons

Gene the Machine (Wicker Park)

That Pigeon Guy (Lincoln Square)

Saturday, December 29, 2007

This Just In!

Current headlines:
Shoot-out at Hooters
Pizza driver shoots and kills robber, Black Santa smiles
"Mean" diner leaves $50,000 tip

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Best new bands of 2008

Spaceship Challenger
Lice
Radiobread
Whole Wheat Buns
Singer
The Michael Balzary Experience
Apespit
Sold Out
Animal Planet
You Can't Find an AM Antenna on the North Side
Amy Whorehouse

Monday, March 19, 2007

Famous Numbers by Soggy Sprinkles

9/11
911
666
2001
1984
1941
54-40
10%
588-2300
10-10-220
867-5309
411
007
69
86
7-11
451
98.6
20/20
17
43
748-5353
33%

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

World Problem

A car leaving Pittsburgh, PA at 1:15pm, on a Tuesday, travelling at an average speed of 65mph on a highway that hasn’t been repaved since 1996, will arrive in Akron, OH at what time? I should mention that it is sleeting and there are large patches of black ice covering most of the two-lane highway. Oh, and I almost forgot, there are three sumo wrestlers riding in the car and they’re eating a bucket of hot wings from Pizza Hut. The car is a 1993 Ford Escort and a monkey is driving. The monkey has had two beers and a shot of Makers.

Monday, February 19, 2007

The Uptown Enabler Vol. I, No. II

During a recent bookshelf reorganization project, I came across this article from the Thursday, April 2, 1998 edition of the Uptown Enabler broadsheet

When I was in college, I took a course in heroics, so I consider myself an expert on the subject. Three days ago, a man walked into the White Hen Pantry at 5457 N Clarks St, witnessing a robbery in progress. Sparing the details of the ensuing melee, I will tell you this: utilizing two frozen pizzas, one as a sheild, the second as a weapon, the man foiled the crime. The robber escaped, stunned but apparently unharmed. Following a brief conference, the man and the store's clerk (also a man) decided against alerting the police or the media. In fact, after four weeks pass, neither of them will speak of the incident again.

I do not consider these men heroes. I consider them fools.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Myspace WILL get you laid!

(Now ain't this a cute picture of the Reglar Wiglar, ladies?)

Hey Reglar Wiglar,

How's it goin? I'm Kristy, I just moved to the Chicago area and I wanna meet a nice guy around here :-). I moved here to Illinois a couple of weeks ago for work and now that I'm here I have nobody to hang out with! I read your profile... You're cute and I liked what you had to say :-).

I'm 24/F/single and I'm lookin for a guy who is a little bit older or more mature than me. You say you're 36 and you're cute so I guess you're qualified :-)

My friend Jen from back home suggested I tried using myspace to meet people in my area. I just signed up and my profile sux hehe. I do have a blog/profile page at xxxxxxxxxx ... I have alot of photos and stuff up if you wanna see me.

I left you a personal msg on my homepage and I took a new pic for you today. Come check me out when you have a chance, k?

Lookin forward to seeyin ya,
Kristy