Wednesday, October 30, 2013


The Death of Alternative Music. I wish. RW#9, 1997:
These guy again.


Nerd Pipe Kills Alt. Rock Dead!

Interviewed by Joey Germ

You read it here first, folks: Alternative Rock Music or Adult Contemporary or whatever the hell it was called, is dead. On August 26 at 12:01, 1997 Alternative Rock Music died due to complications from mass hemorrhaging, leaving tearful and confused souls in its wake. We were able to catch up with the band responsible for the demise of the genre (it's not like they got anything going on right now) to ask them how they feel about what they have inadvertently done Ace Wiglar reporter, Joey T. Germ, asks the tough questions.

RW: So you guys killed Alternative Music, huh?

John: Yep. We were collectively the straw that broke the camel's back.

Adam: We were the last drop in the bucket. The market was so over-saturated with really bad—not just mediocre, mind you–but bad, bad music and when our CD finally came out—we got signed in '93—the bucket just overflowed.

Anthony: It fucking burst!

Adam: It burst and we spilled out with countless others—you can't even call them One Hit Wonders 'cause they never even charted. The alt. rock band death toll is too high to even be counted . . . and it's growing.

John: The whole thing is a mess and it's going to be awhile before the industry people can pick up the pieces.

Scotty: It's funny, our label called us and they we're like, "John, we got bad news for you." And I was like, "This isn't John, it's Scotty." And so dude was like, "Scotty, we've got bad news for you, your record just killed the Alternative Market. It just wiped it off the fucking map." At first I was pumped like, "Right on, man, our record killed 'em." Then I was thinking, "Wait a minute, did dude just say that was bad news?" So I was like, "What's up with that?" and dude was like, "John, you literally busted the market. It's dead. Gone. No more. You're unemployed now and so am I.

RW: That sucks.

Scotty: Yeah, our label guy was fresh out of college, you know, first job with a major record label, first task was signing us and now, boom, he's done, we're done. It's all over.

John: It totally sucks. We tried to push our label into getting the record out two years ago. We don't want the death of Alternative Rock on our hands.

RW: Who would? So what are your plans now?

John: Well, the way we see it, we have several options. The ska route, the doors of which have been thrown wide open by No Doubt.

Adam: No Doubt are to ska what Nirvana was to grunge.

John: Yeah, we just don't want to be to ska what Nerd Pipe was to grunge.

Adam: Yeah, we're gonna have to be careful. Real, real careful this time.

Anthony: To do the ska thing though, we're gonna have to recruit seven or eight other guys or just one cute chick with awesome abs.

John: Yeah, doin' the ska thing, we would definitely have to get rid of Anthony all together.

Anthony: Hey!

John: Sorry bro, it's a fact

Adam: He's right, dude.

John: With a horn section, we'd have to get a bigger tour bus.

RW: How big is your tour bus now?

John: Well, we don't actually have a tour bus now, 'cause we never got a chance to tour in support of our record on account of the fact of the record killing the market and all.

RW: Bummer.

John: Total bummer, man.

RW: You could go the techno route, maybe.

John: Hard dance!

RW: Excuse me?

Adam: He means we could go the "hard dance" route. We could never go techno.

RW: What's the difference?

Adam: There's no difference musically, we just don't want anybody to think we're fags.

RW: Clarify that for me.

Adam: Fags in the musical sense, not in the area of sexual orientation, you understand.

Scotty: Right, fags in the musical sense, like creating techno music which has no balls. In that sense.

John: Techno is a ball-less musical art form.

RW: But hard dance implies something with balls?

John: Exactly. Hard dance implies a very aggressive, balls-out type of music, regardless of the electronic or technological aspect of the music. Like Prodigy. Those guys rock balls.

Adam: It's a tough decision and we haven't really decided what avenue to take yet. We really don't have anyone to bankroll the project yet either.

John: Our record contract was only good for one full-length CD release and a video which we actually have to pay the record company back for, so we have to decide quick whether it's gonna be ska or hard dance.

Adam: Yeah, the wolves are at the door.

RW: What about a marriage of ska with the techno—excuse me—hard dance genres? Break some new ground. Explore some, as of yet, uncharted territory.

Adam: Well, the problem with exploring uncharted territory is you have no way of judging whether something is going to fail or not. It's a big, big risk.

John: A huge risk.

Adam: And it's not financially sound.

RW: It couldn't possibly sell any less records for you than what you've sold up to this point with the alternative/grunge thing.

John: True.

Adam: Still though, it's really scary. We would prefer to stick with a formula that works, something time-tested and true. Metal is not entirely out of the question.

John: Metal is a definite possibility. I see bands like Skid Row, Bon Jovi, even Poison, totally poised for a comeback.

Scotty: Just like back in the glory days of our youth. 1988 all over again, man. Wow. When Def Leppard were king.

Adam: That's enough, Scotty, please.

RW: I can totally see you guys farming some serious hair and laying down some really generic, commercial metal.

John: Thanks man. We appreciate it, but we're just considering it at this point. We haven't made a decision yet.

RW: Well, whatever you guys decide to do, I'm sure it will be brilliant, yet misunderstood.

Scotty: Thanks, but we've already gone that route and it didn't really pan out for us.

John: Yeah, it got panned.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

The Lost Team Satan Album

From the Desks of PopSkoole, PR:


MADISON, WI, October 29, 2013—In the summer of 1995, Chicago was suffering through a heat wave that would claim 600 lives and leave entire neighborhoods grumpy and without electricity. In music that year, lo-fi ruled the underground while Gangster Rap and Hootie and the Blowfish ruled the rest, and somewhere in the basement of an Edgewater two flat, Team Satan assembled. It all began innocently enough, one hung over July 4th morning. That's when Mike Wing and Chris Auman, two line cooks at the Chicago Diner, formed the band as a two-piece guitar and drum whatever. The Team soon expanded to include a third cook, Todd "T-Bux" Uzel on second guitar. Their first show was a drunken mess, as were the next several. Virginian and fellow Diner worker, Lori Kölb, joined on bass soon after. After recording an extremely lo-fi single for the OFF-White Records label and putting out a home-dubbed cassette, The Junior Wing EP, T-Bux returned to Richmond, Virginia and fellow RVA transplant John Peters filled his boots. That's when the songs that the Team had been sloppily bashing out for the previous two years finally took shape. Team Satan standards, like the tongue-in-cheek, "C'mon Baby Let's Sin," got dropped in favor of no nonsense rockers like "Henchmen" and "Team Satan Lies." The band never lost their sense of humor completely, but they definitely found a way to tighten up.

Lucifer rising? Perhaps.
On Memorial Day 1998, Team Satan recorded their first (and only) full-length record at the Lab East Recording Scenario in Humboldt Park, Chicago. Eventually titled, A Little More Down, it would be engineer Kris Poulin's first recording project in his basement studio. Unfortunately, Team Satan disintegrated rapidly after the recording and the album was never officially released. John Peters sold his amp and left town in the middle of the night (much as he had arrived) and everything turned into bright shiny shit. The Team honored their scheduled commitments, lip-synching on the dance show Chic-a-go-go as a three piece and playing their last official gig at the Empty Bottle with T-Bux. A reunion show was performed with Bux at Lounge Ax close to the end of that venue's existence, but the contract had expired on the Team and that stinky, damp towel got thrown in for good.

Which brings us to today and the release of that lost Team Satan record on the digital only SFR label. Maybe this record and these songs should be crammed back down into the basements where they were written and recorded. Lord knows, but as the Team's own motto attests, "The devil made us do it and he made us do it well," so it's probably worth a quick listen. Even after  fifteen years, it's not too late to get A Little More Down.

Mike and Lori formed the instrumental country and surf western band, Booker Noe, got married and moved to Colorado. John Peters joined RVA's Alabama Thunder Pussy (a few times), Todd "T. Bux" Uzel, formed Decibators and played in Imperial Battlesnake before moving to London (the one in the UK). Chris Auman played in Reagan National Crash Diet, then Soft Targets, then escaped to Wisconsin.


Team Satan Official Web Page


"Devil Made Us Do It" b/w "1996" 7" (OFF-White) 1997
Jr. Wing EP 6 song cassette (RoosterCow) 1997
Team Satan 1996-1998 CD-R (RoosterCow) 1999
Farewell Reunion (Live at Lounge Ax) CD-R (RoosterCow) 1999
"Apocalyptic" 0 to 60 in 73 Bands CD compilation (No!No!) 2000
A Little More Down Digital LP (SFR) 2013

Sunday, October 27, 2013


Rise, sheep! Rise and say baaaah!

Ok, I admit it. At times, I was a bit of an a-hole when it came to reviewing music, but I really didn't start the Reglar Wiglar to get shit-loads of free CDs. They just started coming and coming and coming and no matter how abusive my reviews got, more came. Here are a few from RW#8, 1997. The last review for the band Bennet, actually earned me a phone call from someone at their record label. I remember it well, as it was the day after my birthday and I was trying to enjoy a hangover on the couch when this obviously in-a-snit lady called to inform me that she had read my review of Bennet's Super Natural record. "If you can even call it a review," she said. I was pretty floored. (Someone had read my zine? Nice!) I told the lady, I don't call them reviews either. The conversation just sort of fizzled out at that point with me offering no apologies. (What was a British pop band doing on Roadrunner Records anyway?) I wasn't proud of the fact that I had ruined some label rep's day, she was probably a very hardworking, dedicated employee who didn't like seeing the bands she was working with get trashed by some smart-ass zinester, but if you want to blame somebody, blame the band. They made the record, I was just the one who had to listen to it. Harumpf!

Antichrist Superstar (Nothing)
Marilyn Manson? I see people walkin' around Uptown (tryin' their best to look like they got their shit together) that look scarier than these guys. You're all freaks! Go back to bed—P.C. Jones

Still Suffering (Tooth & Nail)
You're still suffering? I just sat through your whole CD, buddy! Klank is as Klank does, I guess we are to believe. Klank is Daren "Klank" Diolosa. He signed his record contract in his own blood (this is true, it says so in his bio). Oh, you bet I'd be scared if I was Klank's label. Imagine the guy who gave him the contract when Klank pulls out a knife and ceremoniously slices his hand open to draw the blood-ink from him veins. "A excuse me, Mr. Klank, deals with the Devil are done down the hall in the Marketing Department"—Joey Germ

Hi, We're the Fairlanes 7" EP (Suburban Home)
Hi, I'm Joey Germ and I'll be reviewing your record and that's not necessarily a good thing if you are at all sensitive to bad reviews. Just kiddin' fellahs (true as it may be). The Fairlanes. Pop punk from Colorado. Happy pop punk. Kids with real swell attitudes. Songs about girls, love, and bein' in love with girls. Sugary pop punk. Archies meet the Ramones in the Rockies. Ooow wa oooo WA oooo WA a WA ooo. You fuckers got off easy. Don't send me anymore of your records and nobody gets hurt—Joey "Don't Sing Me Love Songs" Germ

Super Natural (Roadrunner)
"...a splendid nifty popcore blend of cheerily cynical Brit melodies and spunky Yank guitars."—NME. 

I'm going to lead with that quote from New Musical Express just in case I start rambling and don't actually mention the Bennet record again, which could happen. I don't know, on the one hand, it seems like every band blowing out of Britain these days is just trying to out "pop" each other. I mean, where does the buggery end? If you like Oasis and you dig Supergrass and pop music and all that, then hey, you just might think Bennet are the cat's jammie jams, or a really good rip-off. I don't know... there's supposed to be some tie-in to American-type grunge music too, but fuck, it's been about five years since grunge has been around and my punk ass still hasn't figured out what it is. Bennet, Supernatural, you might like it—Joey "Slack MF" Germ

RIP: Lou Reed


Wednesday, October 23, 2013


Pretty self-explanatory, really. No one took me up on this offer, by the way. From RW#8, 1997:


Let's face it, it's tough to play the part of the starving artist these days. Take it from the good hearted kids at the Reglar Wiglar—we're starving and we're not even close to be artists, but we feel your pain. We have good imaginations and we can just imagine how hard it is.

If you're a musician struggling to get something going, trying to find a place to play with a group of people you can halfway stand, get gigs, sleep with enough of the "right people" to get some studio time and keep it all together long enough to make your record—and then your record sucks? That can be frustrating.

Maybe you're the owner of a record label and you're putting your heart and soul (and big wads of cash) into it. You work two jobs, you have two loans, you scrimp and save and clutch your purse strings and you still have a roster full of shitty bands. What are you going to do now that you've signed them?

Suppose you have a brother or a sister or a parent or just a really good friend who thinks they've got the music inside of them, but everything they touch seems to turn to shit: critics pan them, most zines can't stand them, but you want to do something—anything to ease their battered egos.

Well, now you can help.

The Reglar Wiglar is proud to introduce to you, a special, limited time offer. We are now making it possible for you to buy a good review. That's right, for one easy installment of $19.95 (a month for a year) you can buy your band or loved one's band, a good review. You ever heard someone exclaim in frustration, "I can't buy a break!"? Well, now you can.

Choose from a variety of packages. Simply insert the name of the band, their record, and any key members you want mentioned, and mail in the form with your cash payment. We will try to include the review in the very next issue of the Reglar Wiglar.

Get your band gigs, radio airplay, better distribution, or just give them something to finally justify their enormous egos.

Choose from any one of these Review Packages:

_______________________ is simply too talented a drummer/singer/guitarist/bassist/ keyboardist/other to be in ____________________. Is it his/her fault that poor recording quality, poor arrangements and inadequate songwriting of his/her fellow band members makes them suck? No, I hardly think so. And I heard it's ____________'s birthday on _________ ____st/nd/rd, so everybody be sure to wish him/her a happy one. ** $100.00

The raw talent of ____________________ and sheer brilliance of _____________________ in particular, fight against the below par engineering of this their _________st/nd/rd/th record. Inferior recording does little to fight the sonic ebb that emits from every pore of your stereo speaker as the rhythmic pumping sensations engulf the listener. Although this reviewer is not typically prone to heaping praise upon an/a up-and-coming/veteran band, I have to admit that this band, ________________________is very, very good. *** $250.00

___________________ play intoxicating, pulsating, ethereal music creating an atmosphere of implicit aural perfection. Blending bittersweet melody with unforgiving chunks of isometric guitar, a cacophonous epiphany ensues. ____________ rocks! **** $500.00

Remember cheating on tests in high school? We all did it, but remember to cheat smart. You don't want to look too good and you don't want the praise we heap on you or your records to be too flattering or else success might come too quickly and we all know what kind of demons can pop up when that happens; think O.D.s, shotgun blasts to the head and worse yet, feelings of low self-worth, undeserved attention and lots and lots of cash.

DISCLAIMER: The Reglar Wiglar is not responsible for anything in connection with this offer. We reserve the right NOT to be sued by anyone for anything at any time, as the slightest hint of responsibility will be shrugged. Any knowledge of this offer will be vehemently denied both in and out of court. In fact, we didn't even write this disclaimer. What money? What are you talking about?

Tuesday, October 22, 2013


Here is yet another interview with the adorably obnoxious Woodrows punk rock band—the most prolific band in the history of everything! From RW#8, 1997:


Interview by JOEY GERM

The recent rise in popularity of former terminally underground rock stars, The Woodrows, is not surprising in today's musical climate. Considering last summer's reunion tours by Kiss and the Sex Pistols, there really is nothing sacred left in rock music (if there ever was) and the bloated pig of Alternative Rock has already been butchered and fed to the masses many times over. It is little wonder that The Woodrows are finally getting a little, shall we say, more mainstream press. But before you read any exclusive interviews in Spin Magazine or see The Woodrows pimping their favorite threads in a Rolling Stone fashion spread, remember that the Reglar Wiglar has already, and once again, "gone to the inside track" to get the "scoop". We hope you enjoy Part I of this exciting and provocative look at perhaps the only old school punk band that has yet to sell out (if only because their lawyers haven't finished ironing out the contract

RW: I hear that you guys have some pretty big stars in your fan club these days.

Toby: Not really.

RW: No? That's not what I've heard. Isn't there a certain controversial British band that are big Woodrows fans?

Ricky: Yeah, I guess the guys in Oasis are really big Woodrow fans, I don't know. That's just what we heard. You hear a lot of things on the road and most of them are suspect.

Toby: One of those Oasis dudes was at one of our shows.

RW: Yeah? Which one?

Toby: I don't remember, I think it was Ohio.

RW: No, which Oasis guy?

Toby: Oh, I think it was the obnoxious, ugly one.

RW: Which obnoxious, ugly one? They're all obnoxious and ugly, aren't they?

Toby: True.

Erin: Thurston Moore was at one of our shows in NYC.

Ricky: Yeah, but that doesn't carry that much weight these days.

RW:: Anybody else?

Toby: Nah, I think that's it.

Momma Didn't Raise No Fool 
(Woodrow Hill) 1981

Oh yes she did! In fact, she raised four of 'em, but we won't hold that against her. Sixteen infantile tunes including: "Bread Samich," "Big Boo Boo," "Nubby Rub," "No-No Fatty"!

RW: You sure? I've heard tell that some pretty heavy heavies have shown up at your gigs...

Ricky: Really? Like who?

RW: Well, I heard that Madonna was at a show in Detroit.

Toby: Yeah, she wanted to sign us to Maverick.

Ricky: She wanted Marvy to father her child until she found out about the court order.

RW: I also heard there were others like Johnny Depp, Dennis Rodman, Drew Barrymore, Courtney Love, Dave Grohl, Lou Reed . . .

Toby: Yeah, yeah, those people have been at shows, big deal.

RW: How is this new found fame treating you guys? Are you adjusting?

Erin: Yeah, it's really weird, the sudden exposure we've been getting—you know MTV approached us about doing an Unplugged segment?

RW: What'd you say?

Toby: We've never even made a video for Christ's sake.

Erin: We told them to go back and pick up a copy of Songs for Angie, 1981 or Ballads, from '84 when we were laying down that acoustic shit and got our asses kicked every time we tried to play it live.

Marvy: Yeah, we were playing in Chicago one night back in, like '83, at this place that they actually burned down after we left or—Christ, Toby might have set the blaze now that I think about it—but whatever, it's not there anymore.

Ricky: Right, right, I remember that. This mob of pumped-up punk rockers were foaming at the mouth ready to see the Woodrows blistering five minute set and we come out with acoustic guitars and Erin's got a cowboy hat on and I've got a kerchief tied around my neck and ah. . . shit went down, man.

Erin: The kids really lost their friggin' heads over that, and not in a positive way.

Ricky: We really pissed a lot of people off 'cause we've always just wanted to do our own thing. We did metal when it was uncool but then we dropped the hairspray when that shit started to really break back in the late '80s.

Marvy: We always try to stay one step behind or ahead of the trends so that the majority of the public really can't stand us.

Ricky: Which is not always easy and we don't always get the respect that we deserve for that.

RW: You guys do it well. I mean, just off the top of my head, I can think of dozens of people who hate you and these are religious leaders and law enforcement officials who are in no way directly involved in the music business.

Ricky: Yeah, that's what I mean. We get no props for that.

Prom Night
(Woodrow Hill) 1981

No, The Woodrows didn't get dates to the prom! What are you NUTS? But that doesn't mean the fellas can't get all gussied up for their big night. Killer tunes include: "Spiked Punch & Quaaludes," "Hang (and Then Stab) the DJ,"  "Chaperone This," "May I Have This Dance, Bitch?" and eleven more!!!

RW: You guys have turned down a lot of offers to tour in support of some nationally recognized rock acts; Sponge, Stone Temple Pilots, to name just a few, and yet you've never really had any commercial success. Why do these guys suddenly want you on the bill?

Marvy: These overnight success bands think they can buy some street cred by having us on the bill. It's like a hip thing to get an old school band to open up for your watered-down rock band.

Ricky: It's kind of a novelty thing. You know, we influenced these bands from day one. It used to be considered "not cool" to like us, now for some reason it's considered "cool" so every schlock rock band and their brother wants us to go on tour with them, hang out with them, so they can kiss our asses. We're not into it.

Erin: It's so thinly veiled and obvious. Before people know who you are they either treat you like shit or they have no time for you. Then they find out you're in a band and then they're your best friend or they want in your pants.

Ricky: Yeah, girls used to just totally get the heebie-jeebies when we came around, then we got some press, some recognition for being the awesome band that we are, and then these chicks are sweatin' us 24-7.

Toby: It's pretty obvious that the only attraction they feel for you is your fame, and I'm one ugly customer so it's like "Whatever, baby". Not that I've ever turned it down in the past or ever will. Ever.

Ricky: Oh hell yeah, I'll play that game.

RW: So you've turned down all the major tour offers but I still heard you've become friends with some of the bands who've made the offers, like Scott Wieland (Stone Temple Pilots)?

Toby: I actually feel kind of responsible for Wieland's relapse. We were out in San Diego on our last tour and I had heard that Scott Wieland was a big Woodrows fan from back in the day so I gave him a call and he invited me over to his place.

RW: Wow.

Toby: Yeah, so he starts layin' this big trip on me about how hard success is and how money sucks and this huge fuckin' house he's livin' in just makes him feel small and alone and rehab is hard but worth it and how lucky I am for being influential but not financially successful. And I'm listenin' and noddin' my head, rollin' a pinner and I say, "Maybe you wouldn't talk so much with this joint in your mouth, and when you're done with that how 'bout hittin' this," and I pass him a bottle of cheap hooch. "Let's get messed up out of our friggin' heads, Wieland."

RW: Jesus!

Toby: Yeah, I told him, "It'll help you feel better about being rich and successful." I feel bad for fuckin' him up like that 'cause obviously he's got a problem, but that's just me man, that's Toby Woodrow. I got no problem with the excesses of the rock'n'roll lifestyle. None.

(Woodrow Hill) 1981
Er, ah, um,  this one is a little arty—even for '80s new wave! But it is The Woodrows, after all, so you know it's the bomb. A double LP concept record that explores the duality of man. Includes: "Whispers," "Soul Bared," "C'est Bon, Baby," "Whispers II" and many more. Don't worry, nobody else gets it either!

Marvy: They wanted us to go on tour to support Kiss and we told them, basically, Kiss can (suck their penises—Ed). Kiss should fucking support us! You know everybody wants to jizz over Kiss with this disgusting nostalgia bullshit, but you know what? I hate to shatter anybody's little adolescent rock fantasy world but—I've always hated Kiss! In fact, Kiss is responsible for this band forming in the first place. That's what I thought punk rock was about, not being Kiss.

Ricky: Not being Kiss, not liking Kiss—they made a million dollars, good for them, they're geniuses.

RW: You guys almost sound a little—

Marvy: Hell yeah, we're jealous. Next question.

RW: For those of you who don't know, Toby Woodrow was the victim of an assassination attempt in December of 1987. The would be assassin was one Billy Bastard of the rival rock band Bastard's Holiday, a long-time nemesis of The Woodrows.

RW: Can you talk about the assassination attempt in 1987?

Toby: I don't really remember a whole lot of that night. I was pretty sedated, which was actually really good planning on my part, 'cause that would have been really painful had I been sober or if I was just drunk.

RW: Did they ever arrest Billy Bastard?

Toby: No, they never found him. We were interested in pressing charges but it was hard to get the police involved. They don't deal with a lot of shootings up there, you know. Once in awhile, a drunk hunter might shoot one of this brother-in-law's heads off while huntin' deer or something, but assassinations? They didn't know what to do.

Erin: The cops had this whole attitude like, "He probably left the state by now, what's the point in pursuing this Billy Bastard character?" And I'm like, "Hey, Billy Bastard ain't his real name, Colombo. He's a fry cook at the Denny's off Highway 9, go get the motherfucker!" But they weren't into our scene.

RW: Have the wounds healed completely?

Toby: My ass feels great, or so I've been told, so I don't really hold a grudge against Billy. His band's still together doing Def Leppard covers down in Appleton (WI), so he's "made it", I guess. I'm happy for him.

Marvy: Yeah, he's a cool guy, actually. The whole thing was just overblown.

RW: So, what's next for the Woodrows? Where can a band—that's already covered all the bases—go from here?

Ricky: Well, we're not going to give away too much yet. We like to surprise our fans. Maybe we'll release a hip hop record. We've never done that. Marvy had his solo rap record back in '85, but as a group, we've never really done that.

Toby: We've never seriously tried a country/western record either.

Ricky: As a group, no. Erin had that solo record though, Kentucky Summer Breeze.

Erin: Yeah, that was a disaster. I really should have spent a day or two in Kentucky before writing an album's worth of material about a state I've only driven through while passed out.

Marvy: We've only lightly dabbled in reggae and dub. Techno in not 100% out of the question, even though it is some of the most annoying soulless music that you can create.

Ricky: There's also the Muzak project we've kind of got on the back burner.

Toby: Yeah, we we're approached by the Muzak Factory out in California about possibly converting the first three Woodrow albums into a muzak format. That's a project I would really like to see get off the ground.

RW: Toby, what is the longest stint you've done in jail?

Toby: Wow. Ahhhh... I don't know... not too long. I've never been in for more than six months. I have a fantastic team of lawyers. Really A-1 shysters, you know? I think I was down for six months at the longest.

RW: What was the rap?

Toby: I believe that for for Expectorating on a Peace Office while Indecently Exposed—

Ricky: —spit on a cop when he was drunk and naked—

Toby: —is how my lawyer told me to never refer to it as. But it's cool. There are plenty of Woodrows fans in jail, no doubt. Most of them are in jail actually.

Ricky: We've actually been asked to play prisons. You know, kind of entertain the incarcerated like Johnny Cash, expect we've been on the other side a little more than Cash has.

RW: I just remembered, Johnny Cash wanted to do a Woodrows cover on his last record...

Toby: Yeah, he wanted to do "Keep Your Hands Above the Sheets" off of the Bread and Water record, but his label didn't think it was appropriate.

Ricky: We suggested that he cover our song, "Jail Sucks" from the Jail Sucks album, but once you bleep out all the swear words, the only lyrics are "like," "the" and "bite," so a little bit of the feeling and emotion of the song is lost.

(Woodrow Hill) 1981
The follow-up to the Drunk LP. Twice the power, four times the fun! Thirty-seven songs including: "Naked," "Tube Sock Toby," "Marvy's in the Jug Tank," "Been Naked," "Freak Patrol," "Röt Güt," "Buck Naked," "Caught in the Raw" and more!!!

COMICS REVIEW: Newave! Underground Mini Comix of the 1980s

Newave! Underground Mini Comix of the 1980s
by Michael Dowers (Editor) Fantagraphics

Seems like the malaise of 1970s America inspired a lot of people to take matters into their own hands and create art outside of the mainstream. This was certainly true of the underground music scenes that were percolating on both coasts and in many cities in between. Tired of the passionless music, the flared out fashions and the earth tone colors, independent artists and musicians began creating their way out of a funk that had turned everything green shag and ugly brown. 

The dissatisfaction of the times may have sparked a call to action, but the creative inspiration came from the 60s underground comics movement pioneered by artists like Robert Crumb and Gilbert Shelton. That inspiration met as well with the anti-pop ideas of the New Wave of music coming out of the UK. This happy new union was carried into the 80s by artists who would keep the torch alive with their own underground comic scene—mini comix being the preferred format. 

A mini was typically one quarter the size of a piece of an eight and a half by eleven inch sheet of paper. This allowed more bang for the buck as it not only used less paper it  was also easier to fill a page. Many of these comics were somewhat juvenile in the nature of their subject matter. A preoccupation with drugs and an obsession with big breasted women (then as always) were common themes in the mostly male produced comics. Like their counterparts in music, the participants were predominately young white dudes who had little to offer really except a desire to poke holes in whatever they felt needed it. The mere creation of these comics outside the mainstream, however, was statement enough, even though the shock value depreciates with each subsequent generation.

At 800 pages, Fantagraphics Books new anthology, Newave! Underground Mini Comix of the 1980s might be the largest mini ever made. Edited by Michael Dowers, this fat collection features some of the best minis of the day. Comprised mainly of reprints from the '80s boom, Newave actually starts with Al Greenier's Purple Warp from 1972 and ends in the early '90s just as longer, bigger alternative comics were starting to enjoy a resurgence.

While many of the mini creators featured in Newave! may be unknown to even ardent indie comics geeks, there are some who will be familiar. Peter Bagge, J.R. Williams, Sam Henderson, Mary Fleener, Daniel Clowes, Jeff Gaither, Jim Siergey and Skip Williamson all worked out their early drawing bugs in this format. Though fame may have escaped many of them, notoriety did not and success in comics rarely means financial reward anyway. As Mary Fleener observes in the interview preceding her own contributions,  the US Post Office was probably the only party to ever make money off these things.

So what then was the motivation to spend so many long hours at the drawing table and in the copy shops collating comics? The late Comix Wave and Comix World publisher Clay Geerdes put forth a similar question in his "Newave Manifesto": "Why do we go on drawing comix when there is no money in the business?" Geerdes asked. "We have no choice," was his answer. Sometimes having no choice is a good thingChris Auman

This review was originally published on Sound on Site.

Friday, October 11, 2013


From Reglar Wiglar #8, 1997:

Hey Wiglar Fans, how ya'll doin'? Great! Ummmmm, first let me just say, -real quick here, that I did not win the $11,000,000 Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes that I said I won in the last issue's Idiotorial. Apparently, in my drunken excitement, I forgot to affix the necessary postage on the reply envelope and well, shit happens, it just happens to me -more often. Lucky for me, however, the devoted readers of this magazine have such a highly developed and finely-tuned sense of humor as to be able to take the nasty and vicious things I said about them with a grain of salt—a salt lick, actually, is what I would prescribe. And our advertisers who I denounced and belittled, well, they don't read this publication so that hasn't hurt us any.

But the whole thing got me thinking, you know, the excitement of my prospects of winning the $11,000,000, the sheer exhilaration I got from phoning relatives and telling them off, maxing out my credit cards, quitting my jobs, it was all a sensation unparalleled by any monetary reward. It's not winning the money that counts, it's the feeling of superiority you get when you think you are rich and better than everyone else, because come on people, when you're rich, you are better than everyone else.

That's when this idea hits me, I need to start a contest in the pages of the Reglar Wiglar! I want to bring that same feeling of intense joy to someone else. I want to share that feeling of finally, randomly and undeservedly winning an insane amount of money to someone else. That is why am so happy to announce the christening of the first biannual Reglar Wiglar Everybody's a Winner Sweepstakes. That's right, you read correctly, a sweepstakes: any of a series of lotteries in which the entire prize may go to one winner (Websters). Here's how you enter: simply write your name (first or last or whatever), on a dollar bill, stick it in an envelope, printing your return address clearly on the outside of the envelope (if you chose) and mail the winning entry form to Reglar Wiglar Everybody's a Winner Sweepstakes Contest Event, PO Box XXXXXX, Chicago, IL 60657. The entry forms will be placed in my bank account and one lucky winner will be notified of their prize winnings. Please indicate if you prefer 8-track tapes or promotional cassingles. Enter as many times 
as you like. Remember, the more you enter the better your chances of winning.

Another item of note, you may or may not have noticed that this issue is sixteen pages thicker than previous issues. This doesn't improve the quality of the publication. Nope, it just makes it bigger.

Also, it is with a tear in our collective eye that we announce the resignation of Wiglar co-founder, one time publisher, co-dependent and real live, flesh and blood contributor, Tom Ziegler, from his post here at Reglar Wiglar. With Tom's departure he takes with him Tara Tattle, Oscar the Slouch, Larry Leffert, Lollipop, The Budget Movie Critic as well as a shoestring beer budget and a penchant for cheap hops and Lucky Strike unfiltered cigarettes. Good luck on all your future endeavors Tom and I would like to remind you that (because someone broke the lock) the door is always open, but Malcolm Tent has urinated on your old desk thereby claiming that particular piece of office furniture as his own.

What else (only about three hundred words to fill here, that shouldn't be too much of a problem). Oh yeah, the staff party. We tried a staff meeting once, back around issue #4, and if you remember correctly—and I'm sure you don't, but I'll tell you anyway—it didn't go down so well. The only thing that was really, concretely decided at that meeting was that "No Wiglar function shall ever take place in a bar or anywhere near where alcoholic beverages can be consumed or even thought about."

Well, of course history is destined to repeat itself and that was two years ago anyway. I was sure that the staff had matured somewhat since then. And we have seen the hazing of a few new staff members since that fiasco anyway and some of these people actually have addresses, so I figured, what the heck. Instead of trying to hold together some kind of rag-tag editorial meeting, fuck it, let's just have a goddamn party.

To make a long story short (by not telling it at all), when Joey and Muggsy get out of jail, we're going to start work on issue #9 of the Reglar Wiglar. There's only a certain amount of money in the kitty allotted for bail each month. Not enough to spring for two staff members. It's just too bad that those two chose to go down at the same time. I told them on the phone, either you both sit tight for thirty days and make some new friends fast or one of you is going to have to sit in the pokey and sweat it out alone. I thought these guys were "buddies for life" as they were fond of saying (when borrowing money or weed from each other) but they sold each other out so fast it made me sicker than usual and consequently, I have decided to let both of them rot in jail until the bail money can be raised. Until then, thank you for your time. You all suck. 

ZINE REVIEW: Recoup #1


The debut issue of this slender digest-sized zine is dedicated to the past: music and musicians that have been forgotten or overlooked. Music has no expiration date as publisher, Joseph Kyle, points out in his intro, so why not go back and revisit what has gone before? There's nothing new under the sun anyway and, let's face it, if the world stopped producing new music today, would anybody even notice? Probably, but anyway...

This issue features interviews with Semisonic drummer Jacob Slichter, emo band, Texas is the Reason, Pete Byrne of Naked Eyes, and brothers Lon and Derrek Van Eaton. There are reviews of albums by The Breeders, Everything But the Girl, Jawbreaker, Codeine and other bands and artists who released music many several moons ago, Kyle also writes the confessional, "I Was a Teenage Yoko Ono Martyr," explaining his early and continuing fascination with the "most famous unknown artist in the world." (John Lennon)

While the pages of this particular publication will remain in printed form only, you can read similar content on The Recoup websiteChris Auman

Wednesday, October 09, 2013


Andy Singer [Microcosm]

Why do we drive? Well, it has to do with money and politics and back room deals and cronyism and greed. Cars are as American as guns and apple pie and we're about as likely to give up our guns as our cars, and it's all based on some pretty fucked logic. From pollution to congestion, noise, traffic jams, multi-car pileups and that whole dependence on foreign oil thing, the automobile industry (enabled by our artificial need for our cars) contributes to the destruction of farmland wild life and our health. Do I even have to mention how disgusting billboards are?

Why We Drive is about cars and driving and bikes and riding and feet and walking and why we do too much of one and not enough of the others. It's the history behind how we traveled to our current congested predicament. Researched, written and illustrated by bike activist, Andy Singer, Why We Drive seeks to explain it all and put the rise of car culture in proper perspective.

Singer's work may be familiar to you. His long running "No Exit" comic has been featured in 24 newspapers around the country and his comics and illustrations have been seen in The New Yorker, Esquire, The Boston Globe, The Washington Post, The Saint Paul Pioneer Press and others. As a bike riding advocate who pedals the streets of St. Paul on a daily basis, Andy lays all these points out and also points out the absurdity of the way modern cities have been planned to accommodate—even encourage—more and more roadways, inviting traffic and congestion and resulting in more pollution and health problems.

I’ve never owned a car myself. Like Andy I've managed to get by on two legs or two wheels or public transportation, so I appreciate the effort that went into the creation of this book. Through the hard work of activists like Singer, both in and outside of government, we may see the creation of more bike friendly laws and city layouts. When short-sighted boneheads like Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, who turn down millions in stimulus money intended to fund the construction of light rail, start to see the economic value and heath benefits of scraping the car culture, we'll be heading further in the right direction. Until then, get on your bikes and ride!Chris Auman

Why We Drive: The Past, Present, and Future of Automobiles in America (Comix Journalism)