Monday, October 31, 2005

Something you should know

Under the Sedition Act, anyone "opposing or resisting any law of the United States, or any act of the President of the United States" could be imprisoned for up to two years. It was also illegal to "write, print, utter, or publish" anything that criticized the president or Congress. It was notable that the Act did not prohibit criticism of the Vice-president.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Da White Sax

Dere, I gave praps. Now less go Bearss. We got win number tree lass week. Lookin' for win number four dis Sunday.

Go Bearss!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Mike Wing's brother Chris

Browsing this morning, we came across this interesting version of the New Rob Robbies saga:

by Mike DaRonco

The breakup of the Bowling Green, OH-based Dutch Crumbs, the Blank Schatz, and Sheepish Grin would eventually result in the 1993 formation of the New Rob Robbies. Originally consisting of George Kraynak (vocals), Robbie Butler (drums), Paul Johnson (guitar), and Mike Wing (bass), the quartet relocated to Chicago and released their debut EP in 1994 as a split with Vambo Marble Eye. 

With their power pop inspirations of Hüsker Dü and the Replacements, the New Rob Robbies released their first full-length, Just Add Butter...Wilson's Revenge, in 1996. Mike's brother Chris Wing took over on bass before the band signed to Owned and Operated Records. Their second album, Pure Whore, soon followed in 1999.

Friday, October 14, 2005

It's A Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush World

The President’s Totally Unscripted, Off-the-Cuff Q&A Session with US Troops in Iraq via Video Teleconference

THE PRESIDENT: Captain Kennedy.

CAPTAIN KENNEDY: Yes, Mr. President.

THE PRESIDENT: It’s good to see you. Thanks for taking the time out of our fight for freedom to answer a few of my questions. I know you guys are gonna give me the honest truth from a soldier’s gut. I want it straight. Don’t pull any punches. Our march towards freedom is too important.
But first, I want to thank the members of the 42nd Infantry Division and Task Force Liberty for doing their part in bringing freedom to the Iraqi people. I thank you. America thanks you.

We are facing an enemy that hates freedom. They are ruthless and cold-blooded and they hate freedom. That is opposite of what we stand for. We love freedom. We stand for freedom. We’re all about freedom. I mean, heh, I love freedom so much it scares me sometimes.
So, tell me, honestly, how is the freedom going over there?

CAPTAIN KENNEDY: I’m going to throw this question to Captain Pratt, sir?

THE PRESIDENT: Didn’t mean to throw you a curveball there, Captain.

CAPTAIN PRATT: Sir, the freedom is progressing smoothly. Lots of freedom on the horizon for the Iraqis sir,

THE PRESIDENT: Give me the truth, Captain, I can take it.

CAPTAIN PRATT: Straight up, Mr. President. Things could absolutely not be better in any possible, conceivable way.

THE PRESIDENT: Ok, well, heh, heh, well, what if we sent that Jessica Simpson over there to do a little concert for you all, would that make it better?

CAPTAIN PRATT: Well, Sir, yes that would make it better, but other than the possible exception of a Jessica Simpson concert, things could not be better.

CAPTAIN SMITH: Mr. President, good morning. I’m Captain Smith. I’ve been training the Iraqi Army, Sir, and I can assure you that the Iraqi Army is ready, capable and eager to begin their fight for freedom, Sir.

THE PRESIDENT: That’s good. So how is the ahh, what is it called—the thing with the ballots—the vote—how is the vote that’s coming up in about 40 hours, or around 48 hours from now. The freedom vote, how’s that going?

CAPTAIN SMITH: Great sir, the preparations for voting have gone off without a hitch. Everything is pretty much going exactly according to plan, Sir.

THE PRESIDENT: That’s good. So, let me ask you, off the top of my head here, heh, heh, you’ve had a chance to interface with the regular Iraqi folk, how do they feel about our presence there and our mission to bring them freedom? Do they love freedom yet? They gotta be lovin’ the freedom by now, I would think.

CAPTAIN SMITH: I’m going to field that one as well, Sir.

THE PRESIDENT: You’re a smart fella’, Captain, heh, heh. Isn’t he smart?

CAPTAIN SMITH: Thank you, Sir. The short answer to your question is that the Iraqis love us, they love freedom, and they are totally down with the march towards freedom and all the great things that go with it, and with the exception of the freedom haters, that is an indisputable fact, Sir.

THE PRESIDENT: That’s good. Hold on a second there, Captain, my microphone thingy keeps poppin’ out of my ear, heh, heh. That’s better. So it’s going good then?

CAPTAIN SMITH: It’s all good, Sir.

THE PRESIDENT: But it hasn’t been easy.

CAPTAIN SMITH: No Sir, it hasn’t been easy.

THE PRESIDENT: In fact, it’s been a little hard at times.

CAPTAIN SMITH: At times, yes.

THE PRESIDENT: But it’s all good now?


THE PRESIDENT: Whose that little combat lady next to you?

SERGEANT JONES: Sergeant Jones, Sir.

THE PRESIDENT: Hello Sergeant. You look familiar, have you been a prop before—I mean have I seen you around before?

SERGEANT JONES: I believe I was at Ground Zero in New York when you came there, Sir.

THE PRESIDENT: I knew you looked familiar. That is some kinda coincidence right there.

SERGEANT JONES: It is pretty freaky, Sir. I would just like to tell you that my own personal observation of the troop morale, the Iraqi Army capabilities, the desire of the Iraqis for freedom, and the overall march towards freedom in general, are going great. You’re doing a terrific job, we’re doing a terrific job, the Iraqis are doing a terrific job.

THE PRESIDENT: How ‘bout Brownie, is Brownie doing a terrific job? Heh, heh, That was a joke Sergeant.

SERGEANT JONES: It was very funny, Sir.

CAPTAIN KENNEDY: Sir, Sergeant Akeel from the Iraqi Army would like to say something to you.

THE PRESIDENT: Good, let’s hear him.

SERGEANT AKEEL: I like you, Mr. President. (laughter)

THE PRESIDENT: Well ok, then.


THE PRESIDENT: Ok. Thank you fine men and women. It has been an honor. I wish I could be there in Tikrit with you, just hanging out, clearing the brush. Maybe someday I’ll get there. Maybe not yet, even though it is completely secure and would be perfectly safe for me or Jessica Simpson to do so.

I just want to tell you that even if things weren’t going well, which they obviously are, as you told me yourselves in this unscripted Q & A, but even if they weren’t going well, we would never give up. We would never give in until we had achieved absolute victory over the freedom haters. And if you ever happen to find yourself in the White House Oval Office some day, don’t be afraid to say hello.

Thank you all.

World Famous Record Reviews

Some Record Reviews from Reglar Wiglar #21 for you to enjoy until the Website goes back up, hopefully, tomorrow

Dear Furious (Victory)
Would someone kindly, please tell me just what the FUCK everybody is so angry about? For Christ's sake, people, lighten up. A18 is a SoCal hardcore/metal band that's been growling around the scene for about a half dozen years or so. Heavier than some, angrier than most. Don't worry. No new ground was broken in the making of this record-Irresistible Frank

Sex Objects (BYO)
Love it. Love. It. The Breifs are a living, breathing homage to the best punk rock of the 70s and somehow they do it without sounding cliched, out dated or too terribly derivitave. A welcome blast from the past that's planted firmly right here in the present. IF you have one Good Charlotte CD in your collection you should buy three copies of Sex Objects to get your punk rock karma back on track . . . and so you won't burn in hell-Irresistible Frank

Antidote (Suburban Home)
The Gamits kinda float to the top of the bowl in the power pop/punk genre in my esteemed and much sought after opinion. It's got some catchy hooks and singer Chris Fogel doesn't milk the whine so much. Not like some of these guys, know what I'm sayin'? Antidote starts off with the "Dotted Lines," a high note not duplicated on the rest of the album, although some moments come close. "Golden Sometimes" being an example-PC Jones

A Haiku Review
Engine Down (Lookout!)

Emotional rock
fighting angst and ennui
living is hard, no?

Shake the Sheets (Lookout!)
An accomplished guitar player in his own right and a literate lyricist, Ted Leo and his RX buddies, create a sound not unlike his predecessors, Elvis Costello and Joe Jackson, and others in the angry young man, singer/songwriter category. Perhaps angry is a bit overstated. More like disappointed. Disappointment in people or things (or governments maybe?) that don't live up to their own high expectations can lead to anger, which can in turn lead to such cathartic measures as Shake the Sheets -Jayne Wayne

Bring on the Beats! (Get Hip)
Nobody understands my pain. Maybe God does, but he lives way up in space and is therefore removed from my mortal sufferings. But maybe, maybe The Ugly Beats! understand my pain. They certainly sound like the do-Irresistible Frank

Theodore Roosevelt Heller, R.I.P.

Theodore Roosevelt Heller, 88, loving father of Charles (Joann) Heller; dear brother of the late Sonya (the late Jack) Steinberg. Ted was discharged from the U.S. Army during WWII due to service related injuries, and then forced his way back into the Illinois National Guard insisting no one tells him when to serve his country. Graveside services Tuesday 11 a.m. at Waldheim Jewish Cemetery (Ziditshover section), 1700 S. Harlem Ave., Chicago. In lieu of flowers, please send acerbic letters to Republicans.

Published in the Chicago Tribune on 10/10/2005.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Half the story

At this exact moment, I'm parked at my work station, listening to last night's Best Show, enjoying a fresh "Mike Dixon", contemplating abondoning my effort to finish Neuromancer in favor of starting Good As Gold, and perusing the electronically-encoded B.S. "here" on this web-site (presently the sole official internet source for the Reglar Wiglar's trademark humor-simulations).
We've presented some funny and even more not-really-funny stuff over the past eight months, but it's occurred to me that if anyone's checking in with any regularity (if there's any way to keep track of the hits on this page, we haven't figured it out yet), they may only be getting HALF THE STORY. At the bottom of each and every delicious blog entry, there is a link to a comments section, where readers are encouraged to contribute their own 2 cents.
For instance, you may have missed the opportunity to weigh in on the spirited debate over whether or not snack chips belong on sandwiches; or to suggest a question for Buzz Osborne to ingnore; or maybe you've got a Jimmy Buffet prank call fantasy you'd like to share; or maybe you just want to insult the author, insulated by the anonymity that emboldens you and so many of your fellow internet cowards. Seriously, we love our readers, won't you consider giving some of it back, or at least throw it back in our stupid faces once in a while?
--J.D. Fortune

Monday, October 10, 2005

Top Five Web Sites

These are five of my favorite web sites! Check 'em out!

Yo! Marc B!

Hey Marc B. in New York! If you see this post: I lost your e-mail and mailing address, etc.

Get in touch!

Healthy Hint #2 from Toby Woodrow

A quart of freshly squeezed orange juice has a lot more Vitamin C than a quart of bourbon. Try drinking that for breakfast instead.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Healthy Hint #1 from Toby Woodrow

Toby Woodrow says:

Instead of reaching for the syringe and shooting that bag of heroin, try eating a juicy red apple instead!

10 Most Awesomely Great New VH1 Shows!

You won't believe the new batch of shows VH1 has cooked up for viewers this Fall. Check it out!

1) Baddest '80s Hotties

2) America's Next Washed Up Has Beens and Never Was Gonna Be's

3) Hollywood's Skankiest Babes

4) 100 Most Awesome-ist Cheesy So-Bad-They're-Good Power Ballads

5) Unfunny D-List Celebrity "Commedians" Remember Insignificant Moments in Pop Culture History Like They Happened Yesterday

6) The Not So Fabulous Life of Fluffers

7) Rolling Stone Magazine's Rob Sheffield's Most Cringe-Inducing, Unfunny Comments About Celebrities He Probably Would Kill to Have Sex With

8) Remember Slinkies? Slinkies Were Cool--Hosted by Henry Rollins

9) I Love the 20s!

10) 100 Most Outrageous Moments We Couldn't Get Permission to Show (Even Though Viacom Owns Everything) But We Have Some Stock Footage of Other Stuff, So Watch That While We Talk About What We Can't Show You

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Next Question (Dedicated to D. Rumsfeld)

That is a two-pronged assessment. Or I should say, a two part to a two prong assesment. A four part, two pronged assessment or scenario. And the answer depends on several different variables, all of which, at this present time, are unknowns. In the first scenario you have a certain set of variables, in the second scenario you also have a certain set of variables. When you combine the two varbiables, invariably you will have a situation where, at best, there is no precise answer. However, the set of circumstances in which these variables co-exist changes continously, so much so in fact, that the situation on the ground isn't necesarily the same as what we would like it to be. But the probable set of circumstances, as we know them to be--and this is important--is that we can not possibly know every possible part of every possible prong in any given known or unknown situation or scenario. The variables prove this to be true, as far as we know, and like I just explained, we can't possibley know. Next question.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Garage Sale Saturday

Multi-Family Garage Sale Saturday!!!

Stained stuff! Broke stuff! Out-of-fashion clothes!
Useless bullshit, crap and tons of total junk!
Stuff you don't need! Stuff we don't want!

So come on by and give us money and take away
some of our totally worthless bullshit.

No early birds. Eary birds get shot at.