Monday, February 23, 2009

Bastige Von Curr's Tips on Proper Phone Etiquette

Counter Service

Whether you are ordering a hamburger from a fast-food restaurant or simply buying an energy drink at your corner convenience mart, it's totally ok to be blabbing on your cell phone the entire time. If the counter person or clerk actually has the gall to try to ask you a question while you're on the phone, or to inform you of the price, you should be more than a little annoyed. Apologize to whomever it is you are talking: "I'm sorry could you hold on a second? I have to give some a-hole my order." Your insipid conversation about nothing at all with your equally vacuous colleague trumps any conversation, transaction or interaction you may be having in the "real world."

The views of Bastige Von Curr, as right-on as they may be, do not reflect the views of the Reglar Wiglar, even though you would think they do since we are the ones publishing them in this forum, but you know, we gotta say they're not for some reason. At least this is what our lawyer, Jim Willy, Jr., Esq, has advised us to say.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

RNC Chair Steele: GOP Needs "Hip Hop" Makeover "Fa-shizzle"

From today's New York Times:
Newly elected Republican National Committee Chairman Michael S. Steele plans an “off the hook” public relations offensive to attract younger voters, especially blacks and Hispanics, by applying the party's principles to “urban-suburban hip-hop settings.”
"We are going to cut the capital gains tax in the next session, and if you've got a beef I will show you my Smith & Wesson, do you know what I am saying, beeeee-yotch!" Steele added. "Peep this, we need entitlement reform in this country because that shizzle is wack, and all of you all in the blame America first crowd, you are nothing but a bunch of player haters. We plan to bring this party to every corner, to every boardroom, to every neighborhood, to every community. I am not clowning. Peace, I am out."

Black Flag Hair. Warning: Pretty Rad

Monday, February 16, 2009

Monday, February 09, 2009

sssnakes!!! in Roctober

Everybody's favorite comic about snakes (called sssnakes!!! by Chris Auman) has a new installment in the latest issue of Roctober called "Roctober #46." Buy several copies today and pass them out to your friends.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Now that's more like it!

Dear Mr. Auman,

I've just finished reading your resume and let me tell you, I am very impressed. Everybody in the office is. You are exactly the type of employee we’ve been looking for: smart, creative, funny—you’re perfect! In fact, your resume started something of a skirmish between Human Resources and Management. We’ve been arguing all day. Not about whether or not to hire you, that was a no-brainer, (duh!), but we’ve been arguing about how much we’re going to pay you. $50K, $60K, $70K! Even one hundred thousand dollars per year does not seem so far-fetched given your extraordinary talents. So what do you say Mr. Auman, can we get you in here, at your convenience of course, and have you sign some papers?

Thank you for your time.


Margaret O’Connor
Human Resources
Giganta Corporation

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Hotties of 80s Sitcoms: Marissa Tomei

1987 was the year when young Marissa graduated from As the World Turns to a much Different World as college roommate of Lisa Bonet at the fictitious Hillman College in Virginia.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Classic Albums

Snake in the Grass
(RoosterCow) 1980

Trust me, you don't wanna be hangin' out in the Woodrows backyard! 25 fantastic tunes by the Fearsome Foursome, including the awesome title track, "Snake in the Grass," plus "Mowin' Your Lawn, Trimmin' Your Bush," "Ho in the Garden,""Fetchin' Wood," and many more favorites!

Woodrow Discography

Monday, February 02, 2009

Ground Hog's Day, Bitches!

What happens when you wake up Muggsy McMurphy in the middle of the night--while he's trying to sleep off a three day Super Bowl Bender--and ask him what his Ground Hog's Day predictions are? We found out (sorry, no audio/video, you're just going to have to trust us that this is the way it went down):

"This fucking fuck. This fuckin' porkchop, Poxitommy Phil better have my money. He better have my money. What is this? Winter what? What are you talking about? Punk rock Phil is shit eatin' ground hog. Right? Gonna see his shadow and BOOM six more months of winter...or sumpin'. Ground Hog Day, man? What the fuck is Ground Hog Day, man? I like ground up hogs in my burrito, brother. Fuck off. Leave me alone."

Looks like six more months of winter, kids.