Wednesday, November 29, 2006

War on two fronts

It's not even December 1st, but opposing forces are already gathering for another round of battles in the neverending, and very, very, very real War on Christmas. At the same time, defenders of American Founding Fathers' Paranoid-hetero-protestant-caucazoid Heritage are bravely launching a new offensive in the War on Cartoon Characters. Leading the charge against Happy Feet while fending off attacks from Crate and Barrel and retaking Wal-Mart? Certainly the right wars at the right time, but can they win? We can only hope that they've learned the lesson of Vetnam - "We'll succeed, unless we quit".

In related news: Kenny Kramer, a.k.a. "the real Kramer" of Seinfeld folklore, has been getting hate mail from confused ex-fans of Michael Richards.
A new study reveals a direct link between mental illness and 21st century Republicanism.
The entire species of red-winged blackbirds are risking extinction to perpetuate liberal "Global Warming" hoax. Watchdog organizations are advised to update their lists of known secular propaganda organizations.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Message Left On My Cell Phone

Maybe someone can explain to me what this means. I'm not P, by the way.

"Hey P this is Rocky, man. Gimme a call back, man. This chick wanna know if she can pay you a few dollars, or whatever, a-a-a to a, I guess, umm, to pay for her a-a-a, I mean she'll pay you for a-a-a, she'll pay you for a . . . dang . . . on a dag . . . whatchoo call that? Damn! A dock statement! You don't need to fill out nuthin. She talkin' 'bout she just needs a slip. That's a quick 25-30 bucks, so if you can get ahold a one of them let me know. Holla. This is Shakur."

Friday, November 10, 2006

Clerics on the radio(!)

Tim Davison sent us an email!:

Hello there friend of the Clerics.
The Clerics are performing tonight Friday Nov 10, live on the radio, WHPK 88.5. We'll be on the Pure Hype show somewhere around 9pm. Tune in if you can.