Sunday, January 04, 2009

Dear Rocker III

Every once in awhile we like to introduce a new feature to delight and amuse our readership. This time it's in the form of an advice column for all you would be rockers out there, whoever you are. You are now free to ask the Rocker, cuz the Rocker is in!


Dear Rocker,

I need you to settle a bet I have with my little brother. Who would win in a no-holds barred, UFC style, three-way fight: Henry Rollins, The Misfit's Jerry Only, or Violent J of the Insane Clown Posse?

Keep it real.

Pete in Alsip


I always keep it real, brother. Wow, now that's a tickle fight I wanna see. Why don't you throw Arnold Horshack or Manute Boll in there too, just for yucks. But seriously, I don't know what UFC-style is but if it's back biting and hair pulling with the occasional eye jab, then I'd bet my money on Violent J. I bet he fights like a girl. In a clean fight, however, I might stick with Rollins on this one. Jerry's no slouch, don't get me wrong, but the guy's forty-five years old. Not that Old Man Rollins is any spring chicken at forty-three, but when you get up there in age like that, every year counts. Besides, Jerry's "devil lock" might hinder his vision and allow Hank to get a couple quick jabs in there. Rollins in nine rounds.

You're welcome.

The Rocker

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