ORDERING DELIVERY
When ordering food for delivery, don't worry about having your credit card ready. Is it upstairs in your other purse? Is it out in the car? That's ok, go get it, they'll wait, after all, they want your business. It doesn't matter that they may be busy. Take your time.
See previous post for Bastige Von Curr's Tips for Ordering Take Out, then apply the following techniques for delivery. After you've finished ordering, but before they have a chance to give you the total, ask for the total. Act all surprised at the price. Ask for a break down then tell them you still don't see how that adds up to the price they've given you. Take your time, let the information sink in. "Ahhh, the tax, I forgot about the tax!!! Because there's taxes on everything these days. HAHAHAHA!!!"
If they tell you that your delivery will be about an hour, repeat that back in a shocked voice, "An hour!?" It's just an estimate of course, and there's no way they can tell you exactly when it will arrive, but tell them that if they could get it there sooner, you'd appreciate it.
They may have said an hour, but don't bother looking at your watch to see when you called. Listen to your stomach instead. If your fat gut tells your pizza should have arrived by now, don't hesitate to call up the restaurant and demand to know where your food is. Be a dick about it and demand to know exactly where the driver is and the exact minute he or she will arrive. What? They don't have a GPS tracking device on your Chinese take-out? They're not tracking your meatball sandwich with a satellite? Assholes! Demand a discount.
The views of Bastige Von Curr, as right-on as they may be, do not reflect the views of the Reglar Wiglar, even though you would think they do since we are the ones publishing them in this forum, but you know, we gotta say they're not for some reason. At least this is what our lawyer, Jim Willy, Jr., Esq, has advised us to say.
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