It's not even December 1st, but opposing forces are already gathering for another round of battles in the neverending, and very, very, very real War on Christmas. At the same time, defenders of American Founding Fathers' Paranoid-hetero-protestant-caucazoid Heritage are bravely launching a new offensive in the War on Cartoon Characters. Leading the charge against Happy Feet while fending off attacks from Crate and Barrel and retaking Wal-Mart? Certainly the right wars at the right time, but can they win? We can only hope that they've learned the lesson of Vetnam - "We'll succeed, unless we quit".
In related news: Kenny Kramer, a.k.a. "the real Kramer" of Seinfeld folklore, has been getting hate mail from confused ex-fans of Michael Richards.
A new study reveals a direct link between mental illness and 21st century Republicanism.
The entire species of red-winged blackbirds are risking extinction to perpetuate liberal "Global Warming" hoax. Watchdog organizations are advised to update their lists of known secular propaganda organizations.