Check... Please!!!!!!

We spend a lot of time around Wiglar Headquarters thinking... thinking and asking questions about what it would take to make the Wiglar a more "legitimate" publication. What would it take to turn this rag into a more valued part of the community while at the same time helping the local economy? What could we possibly do to give the Reglar Wiglar a little more class? And then it hits us: restaurant reviews! What if we gave a couple of our best writers five bucks and sent them out to review a few of the local eateries? Yeah, we spend a lot of time around here thinking... thinking and asking questions...

ROCK & ROLL MCDONALDS

Across the street from the spiritual center of Chicago's innovative Concept Dining District.

Among the Concepts: rock & roll (Phil Collins, Yngwie Malmstee, Nirvana, etc)/ artifacts/burgers/nachos at the Hard Rock Café; waitresses with big tits/burgers/hot wings at Hooters; rock & roll (Elvis, Dion, Everly Bros.)/artifacts/burgers/ shakes (WITH ATTITUDE!) at Ed Debevic's slimy creatures/malaria/burgers/t-shirts at Rainforest Cafe; sports/burgers at ESPN Zone. There used to be a place called Al Capone's that was gangsters/burgers. Planet Hollywood was movie stars/burgers. Michael Jordan's Restaurant was like the ESPN Zone but all sports were Michael Jordan. They had burgers! The all-time best of these types of places is Alice Cooper'stown which is like the Hard Rock Café and ESPN Zone both in the same place, but all rock & roll is Alice Cooper. It's in Phoenix, so if you're ever there be sure to go. It's across the street from the baseball stadium. However.

Service

While the crew here has a serious case of the uglies (Best Looking Food Order Takers in Chicago: Demon Dogs), service is swift and orders are taken and executed accurately. Mid-lunch rush on nice warm spring day (no school this week, so the place is just lousy with rugrats). I had my food three minutes after I walked in. Five Stars!!

Ambiance

It's supposed to reflect the spirit of rock and roll or some crap, but to my sensibilities, self-destruction is the theme. On the OUTSIDE OF THE BUILDING, they've got monster-sized cut-outs of Elvis, James Dean, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison (for fuck's sake) and Marilyn Monroe. They've also got Buddy Holly (bad luck, that's all). Little Richard (kind of a swish, wouldn't you say), The Beatles (John: booze, acid. Paul: pot, coke for a while in the 80s. George: acid. Ringo: booze, coke) and The Supremes (they sued each other). Inside, more of the same. My favorite stuff: a neon sign that says MICK JAGGER in pink with a pair of non-Stones logo lips in pink and green; the old Archies driving it; the wall of non-rock (or roll) related stuffed animals (Looney Tunes, Beanie Babies, Muppets). I like to sit at the table with all of Elvis's gold records.

Cuisine

It's fuckin' McDonalds!

$$$

You get what you pay for. In my case, a small shake and large fries. Guess how much? If you guessed $4.65, well then, you're only off by two cents.

Check . . . Please!!!--Wolfgang Puke