Friday, May 09, 2008

Check... Please!!!!!!

We spend a lot of time around Wiglar Headquarters thinking... thinking and asking questions about what it would take to make the Wiglar a more "legitimate" publication. What would it take to turn this rag into a more valued part of the community while at the same time helping the local economy? What could we possibly do to give the Reglar Wiglar a little more class? And then it hits us: restaurant reviews! What if we gave a couple of our best writers five bucks and sent them out to review a few of the local eateries? Yeah, we spend a lot of time around here thinking... thinking and asking questions...


Across the street from the spiritual center of Chicago's innovative Concept Dining District.

Among the Concepts: rock & roll (Phil Collins, Yngwie Malmstee, Nirvana, etc)/ artifacts/burgers/nachos at the Hard Rock Café; waitresses with big tits/burgers/hot wings at Hooters; rock & roll (Elvis, Dion, Everly Bros.)/artifacts/burgers/ shakes (WITH ATTITUDE!) at Ed Debevic's slimy creatures/malaria/burgers/t-shirts at Rainforest Cafe; sports/burgers at ESPN Zone. There used to be a place called Al Capone's that was gangsters/burgers. Planet Hollywood was movie stars/burgers. Michael Jordan's Restaurant was like the ESPN Zone but all sports were Michael Jordan. They had burgers! The all-time best of these types of places is Alice Cooper'stown which is like the Hard Rock Café and ESPN Zone both in the same place, but all rock & roll is Alice Cooper. It's in Phoenix, so if you're ever there be sure to go. It's across the street from the baseball stadium. However.


While the crew here has a serious case of the uglies (Best Looking Food Order Takers in Chicago: Demon Dogs), service is swift and orders are taken and executed accurately. Mid-lunch rush on nice warm spring day (no school this week, so the place is just lousy with rugrats). I had my food three minutes after I walked in. Five Stars!!


It's supposed to reflect the spirit of rock and roll or some crap, but to my sensibilities, self-destruction is the theme. On the OUTSIDE OF THE BUILDING, they've got monster-sized cut-outs of Elvis, James Dean, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison (for fuck's sake) and Marilyn Monroe. They've also got Buddy Holly (bad luck, that's all). Little Richard (kind of a swish, wouldn't you say), The Beatles (John: booze, acid. Paul: pot, coke for a while in the 80s. George: acid. Ringo: booze, coke) and The Supremes (they sued each other). Inside, more of the same. My favorite stuff: a neon sign that says MICK JAGGER in pink with a pair of non-Stones logo lips in pink and green; the old Archies driving it; the wall of non-rock (or roll) related stuffed animals (Looney Tunes, Beanie Babies, Muppets). I like to sit at the table with all of Elvis's gold records.


It's fuckin' McDonalds!


You get what you pay for. In my case, a small shake and large fries. Guess how much? If you guessed $4.65, well then, you're only off by two cents.

Check . . . Please!!!--Wolfgang Puke

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