Check... Please!!!!!!! (Last one, we promise)

We spend a lot of time around Wiglar Headquarters thinking... thinking and asking questions about what it would take to make the Wiglar a more "legitimate" publication. What would it take to turn this rag into a more valued part of the community while at the same time helping the local economy? What could we possibly do to give the Reglar Wiglar a little more class? And then it hits us: restaurant reviews! What if we gave a couple of our best writers five bucks and sent them out to review a few of the local eateries? Yeah, we spend a lot of time around here thinking... thinking and asking questions...

HOOTERS

On North Wells in River North (where all the tourists flock)

Some workdays, I can only get away for a two hour lunch, so I often have to make impulsive lunch choices--I go with my gut. That's how I found out about this place called Hooters. The outside of Hooters is pretty nondescript. It kind of looks like some backwoods raodhouse that got sucked up by a funnel cloud and was plopped down right smack dab in the middle of the city--a place I would normally avoid, but when I saw the neon beer signs and the humorous looking owl on the sign out front, I chuckled to myself. I didn't know who this Hooter character was. but I wanted to check out his restaurant.

Service

Superb!!!

Ambiance

Excellent!!!

Cuisine

I ordered the buffalo chicken sandwich which is basically a breaded chicken breast done up like a buffalo wing. It had the potential to be quite tasty, however, it was not. The sandwich was served with a side of mayonnaise instead of the blue cheese dressing one normally associated with the spicy Buffalo win. The accompanying curly fries were merely fries that were cut into a curly shape and not of the spicy variety that you would normally associate with a curly fry from Arby's for example. If someone is going out of their way to make a curly fry, they why not add some pizzazz? The cut of the fry doesn't really affect the taste in most cases. I don't even think these Hooter fries were even fried, more like blanched. They were pretty flaccid. But bland food is why they invented condiments I suppose. A little ketchup and I was ready to deal on those limp spuds, but for some reason I had trouble concentrating on the task at hand and managed to squirt quite a bit of ketchup on my pants which required a quick trip to the restroom to dab cold water on my khaki shorts. Not a good look.

Hooters, in spite of its charms, does have the most uncomfortable table and chair configuration I have ever sat in. The stools are way to high forcing you to have to look down at your waitress, and with the tight, low-cut T-shirts these ladies wear, it's doubly uncomfortable position to be in. And there's no backs on the chairs. It's almost as if they didn't want me to get comfortable and spend an entire afternoon in their restaurant drinking pitcher after pitcher of beer

$$$

Reasonably priced, but for some reason I left my server and busser two gigantic tips.

Check . . . Please!!!--Julio Childs

Check... Please!!!!!!

We spend a lot of time around Wiglar Headquarters thinking... thinking and asking questions about what it would take to make the Wiglar a more "legitimate" publication. What would it take to turn this rag into a more valued part of the community while at the same time helping the local economy? What could we possibly do to give the Reglar Wiglar a little more class? And then it hits us: restaurant reviews! What if we gave a couple of our best writers five bucks and sent them out to review a few of the local eateries? Yeah, we spend a lot of time around here thinking... thinking and asking questions...

ROCK & ROLL MCDONALDS

Across the street from the spiritual center of Chicago's innovative Concept Dining District.

Among the Concepts: rock & roll (Phil Collins, Yngwie Malmstee, Nirvana, etc)/ artifacts/burgers/nachos at the Hard Rock Café; waitresses with big tits/burgers/hot wings at Hooters; rock & roll (Elvis, Dion, Everly Bros.)/artifacts/burgers/ shakes (WITH ATTITUDE!) at Ed Debevic's slimy creatures/malaria/burgers/t-shirts at Rainforest Cafe; sports/burgers at ESPN Zone. There used to be a place called Al Capone's that was gangsters/burgers. Planet Hollywood was movie stars/burgers. Michael Jordan's Restaurant was like the ESPN Zone but all sports were Michael Jordan. They had burgers! The all-time best of these types of places is Alice Cooper'stown which is like the Hard Rock Café and ESPN Zone both in the same place, but all rock & roll is Alice Cooper. It's in Phoenix, so if you're ever there be sure to go. It's across the street from the baseball stadium. However.

Service

While the crew here has a serious case of the uglies (Best Looking Food Order Takers in Chicago: Demon Dogs), service is swift and orders are taken and executed accurately. Mid-lunch rush on nice warm spring day (no school this week, so the place is just lousy with rugrats). I had my food three minutes after I walked in. Five Stars!!

Ambiance

It's supposed to reflect the spirit of rock and roll or some crap, but to my sensibilities, self-destruction is the theme. On the OUTSIDE OF THE BUILDING, they've got monster-sized cut-outs of Elvis, James Dean, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison (for fuck's sake) and Marilyn Monroe. They've also got Buddy Holly (bad luck, that's all). Little Richard (kind of a swish, wouldn't you say), The Beatles (John: booze, acid. Paul: pot, coke for a while in the 80s. George: acid. Ringo: booze, coke) and The Supremes (they sued each other). Inside, more of the same. My favorite stuff: a neon sign that says MICK JAGGER in pink with a pair of non-Stones logo lips in pink and green; the old Archies driving it; the wall of non-rock (or roll) related stuffed animals (Looney Tunes, Beanie Babies, Muppets). I like to sit at the table with all of Elvis's gold records.

Cuisine

It's fuckin' McDonalds!

$$$

You get what you pay for. In my case, a small shake and large fries. Guess how much? If you guessed $4.65, well then, you're only off by two cents.

Check . . . Please!!!--Wolfgang Puke