A car leaving Pittsburgh, PA at 1:15pm, on a Tuesday, travelling at an average speed of 65mph on a highway that hasn’t been repaved since 1996, will arrive in Akron, OH at what time? I should mention that it is sleeting and there are large patches of black ice covering most of the two-lane highway. Oh, and I almost forgot, there are three sumo wrestlers riding in the car and they’re eating a bucket of hot wings from Pizza Hut. The car is a 1993 Ford Escort and a monkey is driving. The monkey has had two beers and a shot of Makers.