You are very clever Mr. O'Reilly, you have finally figured it out. Christmas is indeed under seige. For you see, sir, I am one of those warriors fighting against the Christmas holiday. You may be curious as to why I would dedicate my life to this cause. I will tell you. It all started when I was a child and I asked Santa Claus for a Star Wars Millenium Falcon for Christmas. On Christmas morning 1978, I was DENIED that request with NO EXPLANATION! I was confused. I didn't understand. I had been a good boy ALL YEAR LONG and I DESERVED Han Solo's flying vessel. I knew kids at school who already owned the piece de resistance of the entire rebel fleet and I was as deserving as any of them of such a treasure. I asked my parents why Santa would be so cruel to such a good little boy. "It isn't fair," I cried. "Life isn't fair," was their only reply.
From that day forward I have been a warrior in the trenches of the WAR ON CHRISTMAS and let me tell you one thing, Bill O'Reilly and John Gibson and Sean Hannity, WE WILL WIN because we will NEVER SURRENDER! We want this victory more than all the Millenium Falcons and Landspeeders in the world and WE WILL NOT BE DENIED!!!!
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