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I Drank an Assload of Beer Last Night

I drank an assload of beer last night
A fuckin' assload
I had a real nice time and the beer tasted sweet
But damn if I didn't drink an assload of beer last night

I drank an assload of beer last night
But I made it to work on time
I get my shit done, son
No one gets put out 'cause of me
But damn if I didn't drink an assload of beer last night

I gotta tell you, those bartenders at Boomer's were fine
I don't know if they were Romanian or what
I know they got some mail order bride shit going on over there
Just like the Russians
I gotta check that shit out
But god damn if I didn't drink an assload of beer last night

I drank an assload of beer last night
It feels like someone opened up my skull and took a shit in it.
Then used my tongue to wipe
Fuckin' A, I drank an assload of beer last night

Tom Cruise Needs to Mind His Own Damn Business

Tom Cruise needs to mind his own damn business
Scientology? You gotta be kidding me
You're not real, man. No way
You gotta kiss your girl in front of millions
You ain't real man. Come on
She's half your age, Chief
Let it go

Yo, Top Gun
How you gonna be tellin' people how to live
What pills they need
How they should feel
You need to take that Scientology bullshit
And shove it up your Cocktail, bro
That was a bad movie, man
What's up with that

Step off, Bitch

Step off bitch
You ain't gotta be standin' that close to me
Step off bitch
Do I look like I need help?
Step off bitch
Why you sweatin' me like that?
Step off bitch
I'm bein' for real here, man,
you need to step the fuck off

I Heard Star Wars Sucks, Dude

I heard Star Wars sucks, dude
How come you tellin' me it's all that
I heard Hayden Christensen blows
How come you said he's good in that movie

Somethin' ain't right here
You been talkin' 'bout this Star Wars bullshit all week
My boy tells me it's just OK
Something ain't right
We need to talk, man

If I'm gonna drop some cash on this flick
We gotta get this shit straightened out

5 Conspiracy Theories Debunked

JFK Assassination
John Kennedy was a huge heroin addict. The CIA knew this of course and took his ass out right before he was going on the nod in Houston or Dallas or wherever it was he got shot.

Moon Landing Faked
There is no moon, stupid

Alien Autopsy
Is real actually, but it was produced by aliens just to fuck with us

Earth Round
Yeah, like we wouldn't all just fall off.

American Idol Rigged
No shit it's rigged.

More soon

Sorry about the lack of updates, we'll be more persistent here pretty soon. Like a few days, no more than a week or two.
In the meantime, you may want to check out this Bo Bice blog,this video of Buzz Osborne watching the White Sox / Mariners game, and this excellent tribute to Mother's Day.