Friday, May 12, 2023

Donald Trump Reviews Metallica's Kill 'Em All Album

Overview

Just some terrific riffs on this record. Very, very heavy. Cliff Burton was a really, really nice guy — he looked like a total loser, but really, really nice. Great singing from James too. Really good. Look at the band photo on this album. These guys are kids. Look at all those zits. Jeez. I never had bad skin. I was really, really lucky. Always good with the ladies. I wasn't a loser like these guys.

Hit the Lights

Really great guitar solo from Kurt on this one. Kurt Hammett, I mean, his hair in '83... is it Kurt or Kirk? It's Kirk. That's what I thought. He looks like one of Melania's poodles with that hair. Completely ridiculous, but a really great solo. Really, really terrific.

The Four Horsemen

I don't know what this song means. Four Horsemen? But it's really, really terrific. These guys went on to make a lot of money. A lot of money. Not as much as me, but a lot of money. Motorbreath? I've never had motorbreath. I don't know what it is. Maybe Dee Snider can tell you, I don't know. I'm kidding. Dee is great.


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