for I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
DUNK'D!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Pitchforks & Torches
Do we have to march on Blago's Ravenswood Manor home with pitchforks and torches blazing before this f*cking moron resigns? I mean, there's corrupt and then there's stupid and then there's corrupt and stupid. And then there's corrupt and stupid and hard-headed and arrogant and deluded and goofy looking. And then there's the Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich who manages to encapsulate all these qualities into one corrupt, stupid, hard-headed, arrogant, deluded, goofy-looking, smug bastard!
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Dear Rocker
Every once in awhile we like to introduce a new feature to delight and amuse our readership. This time it's in the form of an advice column for all you would be rockers out there, whoever you are. You are now free to ask the Rocker, cuz the Rocker is in!
Promo No-Nos
Dear Rocker,
My band has been practicing for over six months, and we feel now it is time to have are promotional photo taken. We play hard rock with a classic rock feel and a modern edge. Sometimes we like to get a little funkey, but we try not to overdo it. We know who are audience are, and we know when to say 'when'! Our biggest influences are Godsmack, Five Pointe O, Fun Loving Criminals, Infectious Grooves, Aerosmith, and of course, The Red Hot Chili Peppers. We need to have this picture so we can play concerts in Tulsa and OKC, and get are music out to the people, because we play are music for the fans.
My big question is should we pose in the photo with are guitars? Should we let are drummer hold his drum sticks in the picture (he really wants to, but are singer says no he shouldn't)? Should we smile in the photo? What are the importent things to consider when a young band who is hungry to rock is having it's picture taken? Please help us with you're wisdom!
Tyler, Psychic Mind Plane
Cattoosa, OK
Tyler,
First let me say, stay in school. Jesus, your spelling and grammatical skills are atrocious. Ok, I'll address the drummer question first but let me preface my answer by saying that drummers should be dealt with with a firm hand. As for the photo, your drummer does not need to be holding drum sticks for people to recognize him as the drummer. This is usually quite obvious. I don't know if it's the extra chromosome thing or the general look of confused concentration usually present on a drummer's ugly mug, but the tell-tale signs are already there, the sticks should not be. Tell Ringo that under no circumstances will he be allowed to hold his sticks during the photo shoot. After all, you wouldn't pose for a picture with just a guitar pick would you? Of course not. You'd be proudly holding your instrument. Tell him that he can pose with his drum kit if he wishes, but only if he can hoist it over his head for the duration of the shoot.
Having said that, let me settle the holding-of-guitars-in-the-photo-shoot question. Don't do it. Please. Unless you are an indie rock band being ironic (and there is no ambiguity in your intended ironic statement), or if you are a cover band, DO NOT pose with you guitars. I don't know how it plays in Catoosa 'cause I never heard of that town and I think you made it up, but here in the big city at least, that shit don't fly. Not with original band anyway. If you want to be taken seriously, just assume that people will understand that, even though the instruments aren't pictured, they are somewhere nearby and can be gathered together quickly in the event someone should book you guys into a club. Same goes for smiling. Don't do it. This is not the family photo at Sears. This is "hard rock with a classic rock feel and a modern edge." This is serious business. Again, unless you are a cover band or your ironic intentions are very clear, DO NOT turn that frown upside down. As far as the shoot itself, I would recommend a dirty, garbage strewn, graffiti covered alley as a back drop. If there are no alleys like this in Catoosa, a corn field should suffice.
You're welcome.
The Rocker.
Promo No-Nos
Dear Rocker,
My band has been practicing for over six months, and we feel now it is time to have are promotional photo taken. We play hard rock with a classic rock feel and a modern edge. Sometimes we like to get a little funkey, but we try not to overdo it. We know who are audience are, and we know when to say 'when'! Our biggest influences are Godsmack, Five Pointe O, Fun Loving Criminals, Infectious Grooves, Aerosmith, and of course, The Red Hot Chili Peppers. We need to have this picture so we can play concerts in Tulsa and OKC, and get are music out to the people, because we play are music for the fans.
My big question is should we pose in the photo with are guitars? Should we let are drummer hold his drum sticks in the picture (he really wants to, but are singer says no he shouldn't)? Should we smile in the photo? What are the importent things to consider when a young band who is hungry to rock is having it's picture taken? Please help us with you're wisdom!
Tyler, Psychic Mind Plane
Cattoosa, OK
Tyler,
First let me say, stay in school. Jesus, your spelling and grammatical skills are atrocious. Ok, I'll address the drummer question first but let me preface my answer by saying that drummers should be dealt with with a firm hand. As for the photo, your drummer does not need to be holding drum sticks for people to recognize him as the drummer. This is usually quite obvious. I don't know if it's the extra chromosome thing or the general look of confused concentration usually present on a drummer's ugly mug, but the tell-tale signs are already there, the sticks should not be. Tell Ringo that under no circumstances will he be allowed to hold his sticks during the photo shoot. After all, you wouldn't pose for a picture with just a guitar pick would you? Of course not. You'd be proudly holding your instrument. Tell him that he can pose with his drum kit if he wishes, but only if he can hoist it over his head for the duration of the shoot.
Having said that, let me settle the holding-of-guitars-in-the-photo-shoot question. Don't do it. Please. Unless you are an indie rock band being ironic (and there is no ambiguity in your intended ironic statement), or if you are a cover band, DO NOT pose with you guitars. I don't know how it plays in Catoosa 'cause I never heard of that town and I think you made it up, but here in the big city at least, that shit don't fly. Not with original band anyway. If you want to be taken seriously, just assume that people will understand that, even though the instruments aren't pictured, they are somewhere nearby and can be gathered together quickly in the event someone should book you guys into a club. Same goes for smiling. Don't do it. This is not the family photo at Sears. This is "hard rock with a classic rock feel and a modern edge." This is serious business. Again, unless you are a cover band or your ironic intentions are very clear, DO NOT turn that frown upside down. As far as the shoot itself, I would recommend a dirty, garbage strewn, graffiti covered alley as a back drop. If there are no alleys like this in Catoosa, a corn field should suffice.
You're welcome.
The Rocker.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Buy a Break!
Let's face it, it's tough to play the part of the starving artist these days. Take it from the good hearted kids at the Reglar Wiglar--we're starving and we're not even close to be artists, but we feel your pain. We have good imaginations and we can just imagine how hard it is.
If you're a musician struggling to get something going, trying to find a place to play with a group of people you can halfway stand, get gigs, sleep with enough of the "right people" to get some studio time and keep it all together long enough to make your record--and then your record sucks? That can be frustrating.
Maybe you're the owner of a record label and you're putting your heart and soul (and big wads of cash) into it. You work two jobs, you have two loans, you scrimp and save and clutch your purse strings and you still have a roster full of shitty bands. What are you going to do now that you've signed them?
Suppose you have a brother or a sister or a parent or just a really good friend who thinks they've got the music inside of them, but everything they touch seems to turn to shit: critics pan them, most zines can't stand them, but you want to do something--anything to ease their battered egos.
Well, now you can help.
The Reglar Wiglar is proud to introduce to you a special, limited time offer. We are now making it possible for you to buy a good review. That's right, for one easy installment of $19.95 (a month for a year) you can buy your band or loved one's band, a good review. Have you ever heard someone exclaim in frustration, "I can't buy a break!"? Well, now you can.
Choose from a variety of packages. Simply insert the name of the band, their record, and any key members you want mentioned, and mail in the form with your cash payment. We will try to include the review in the very next issue of the Reglar Wiglar.
Get your band gigs, radio airplay, better distribution, or just give them something to finally justify their enormous egos.
Choose from any one of these Review Packages:
THE GENTLE EGO MASSAGER®
_______________________ is simply too talented a drummer/singer/guitarist/bassist/ keyboardist/other to be in ____________________. Is it his/her fault that poor recording quality, poor arrangements and inadequate songwriting of his/her fellow band members makes them suck? No, I hardly think so. And I heard it's ____________'s birthday on _________ ____st/nd/rd, so everybody be sure to wish him/her a happy one. ** $100.00
EGO BOOSTER®
The raw talent of ____________________ and sheer brilliance of _____________________ in particular, fight against the below par engineering of this their _________st/nd/rd/th record. Inferior recording does little to fight the sonic ebb that emits from every pore of your stereo speaker as the rhythmic pumping sensations engulf the listener. Although this reviewer is not typically prone to heaping praise upon an/a up-and-coming/veteran band, I have to admit that this band, ________________________is very, very good. *** $250.00
EGO ROCKET®
___________________ play intoxicating, pulsating, ethereal music creating an atmosphere of implicit aural perfection. Blending bittersweet melody with unforgiving chunks of isometric guitar, a cacophonous epiphany ensues. ____________ rocks! **** $500.00
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Remember cheating on test in high school? We all did it, but remember to cheat smart. You don't want to look too good and you don't want the praise we heap on you or your records to be too flattering or else success might come too quickly and we all know what kind of demons can pop up when that happens; think O.D.s, shotgun blasts to the head and worse yet, feelings of low self-worth, undeserved attention and lots and lots of cash.
DISCLAIMER: The Reglar Wiglar is not responsible for anything in connection with this offer. We reserve the right NOT to be sued by anyone for anything at any time, as the slightest hint of responsibility will be shrugged. Any knowledge of this offer will be vehemently denied both in and out of court. In fact, we didn't even write this disclaimer. What money? What are you talking about?
If you're a musician struggling to get something going, trying to find a place to play with a group of people you can halfway stand, get gigs, sleep with enough of the "right people" to get some studio time and keep it all together long enough to make your record--and then your record sucks? That can be frustrating.
Maybe you're the owner of a record label and you're putting your heart and soul (and big wads of cash) into it. You work two jobs, you have two loans, you scrimp and save and clutch your purse strings and you still have a roster full of shitty bands. What are you going to do now that you've signed them?
Suppose you have a brother or a sister or a parent or just a really good friend who thinks they've got the music inside of them, but everything they touch seems to turn to shit: critics pan them, most zines can't stand them, but you want to do something--anything to ease their battered egos.
Well, now you can help.
The Reglar Wiglar is proud to introduce to you a special, limited time offer. We are now making it possible for you to buy a good review. That's right, for one easy installment of $19.95 (a month for a year) you can buy your band or loved one's band, a good review. Have you ever heard someone exclaim in frustration, "I can't buy a break!"? Well, now you can.
Choose from a variety of packages. Simply insert the name of the band, their record, and any key members you want mentioned, and mail in the form with your cash payment. We will try to include the review in the very next issue of the Reglar Wiglar.
Get your band gigs, radio airplay, better distribution, or just give them something to finally justify their enormous egos.
Choose from any one of these Review Packages:
THE GENTLE EGO MASSAGER®
_______________________ is simply too talented a drummer/singer/guitarist/bassist/ keyboardist/other to be in ____________________. Is it his/her fault that poor recording quality, poor arrangements and inadequate songwriting of his/her fellow band members makes them suck? No, I hardly think so. And I heard it's ____________'s birthday on _________ ____st/nd/rd, so everybody be sure to wish him/her a happy one. ** $100.00
EGO BOOSTER®
The raw talent of ____________________ and sheer brilliance of _____________________ in particular, fight against the below par engineering of this their _________st/nd/rd/th record. Inferior recording does little to fight the sonic ebb that emits from every pore of your stereo speaker as the rhythmic pumping sensations engulf the listener. Although this reviewer is not typically prone to heaping praise upon an/a up-and-coming/veteran band, I have to admit that this band, ________________________is very, very good. *** $250.00
EGO ROCKET®
___________________ play intoxicating, pulsating, ethereal music creating an atmosphere of implicit aural perfection. Blending bittersweet melody with unforgiving chunks of isometric guitar, a cacophonous epiphany ensues. ____________ rocks! **** $500.00
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Remember cheating on test in high school? We all did it, but remember to cheat smart. You don't want to look too good and you don't want the praise we heap on you or your records to be too flattering or else success might come too quickly and we all know what kind of demons can pop up when that happens; think O.D.s, shotgun blasts to the head and worse yet, feelings of low self-worth, undeserved attention and lots and lots of cash.
DISCLAIMER: The Reglar Wiglar is not responsible for anything in connection with this offer. We reserve the right NOT to be sued by anyone for anything at any time, as the slightest hint of responsibility will be shrugged. Any knowledge of this offer will be vehemently denied both in and out of court. In fact, we didn't even write this disclaimer. What money? What are you talking about?
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Haiku Record Reviews VII (Last one!)
HAIKU REVIEWS
Continuing in our effort to inject our readers with a shot of culture now and then, we here at the Reglar Wiglar are proud to introduce the first installment of the haiku record review. Classy, ain't it?
THE JUDAS FACTOR
Kiss Suicide
(Revelation)
EMOtive screamers
use big words for girl trouble
while thrashing metal
THE WEAKERTHANS
Left and Leaving
(Sub City)
poetic license
built to rock sad and lonesome
pretty, literate
POLARIS MINE
Lists Of Things
(Beatville)
serious and dark
blending of indie and punk styles
is polaris yours?
THE QUEERS
Beyone the Valley...
(Hopeless)
wanna-be Ramones
spewing same old lame tired crap
misanthropic punk
SPIVEYS
V
(DPG)
spastic Midwestern
bare-knuckled, ham-fisted chunks
gnarled and twisted
SAMARKIND/CLOUD
Pitchwheel/Wanker (semperlofi)
peripheral sounds
subliminal sabotage
split lo-fi head trip
MIRAH
You Think It's Like This But Really It's Like This
(K)
sweet and innocent
songs of lust and love
it's really like this
Continuing in our effort to inject our readers with a shot of culture now and then, we here at the Reglar Wiglar are proud to introduce the first installment of the haiku record review. Classy, ain't it?
THE JUDAS FACTOR
Kiss Suicide
(Revelation)
EMOtive screamers
use big words for girl trouble
while thrashing metal
THE WEAKERTHANS
Left and Leaving
(Sub City)
poetic license
built to rock sad and lonesome
pretty, literate
POLARIS MINE
Lists Of Things
(Beatville)
serious and dark
blending of indie and punk styles
is polaris yours?
THE QUEERS
Beyone the Valley...
(Hopeless)
wanna-be Ramones
spewing same old lame tired crap
misanthropic punk
SPIVEYS
V
(DPG)
spastic Midwestern
bare-knuckled, ham-fisted chunks
gnarled and twisted
SAMARKIND/CLOUD
Pitchwheel/Wanker (semperlofi)
peripheral sounds
subliminal sabotage
split lo-fi head trip
MIRAH
You Think It's Like This But Really It's Like This
(K)
sweet and innocent
songs of lust and love
it's really like this
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Haiku Record Reviews VI
HAIKU REVIEWS
by Gin-su
Continuing in our effort to inject our readers with a shot of culture now and then, we here at the Reglar Wiglar are proud to introduce another installment of haiku record reviews. Classy, ain't it?
DENNIS DRISCOLL
Voices in the Fog
(K)
from out of the fog
what is this plucking music?
folk music you fool!
CALVIN JOHNSON
What Was Me
(K)
basement baritone
modern day spirituals
was it really you?
KAIA
Oregon
(Mr. Lady)
melancholy songs
heartwrenching soulsearching voice
another mind state
THE REPUTATION
The Reputation
(Initial)
bad haiku writing
can ruin reputations
but one always tries
MATT SKIBA & KEVIN SECONDS
Split
(Asian Man)
songwriting talents
an acoustical duel
relief, it's a draw
TENDER TRAP
Film Molecules
(K)
poppy funky beat
caught cold in a tender trap
rock disco treat
by Gin-su
Continuing in our effort to inject our readers with a shot of culture now and then, we here at the Reglar Wiglar are proud to introduce another installment of haiku record reviews. Classy, ain't it?
DENNIS DRISCOLL
Voices in the Fog
(K)from out of the fog
what is this plucking music?
folk music you fool!
CALVIN JOHNSON
What Was Me
(K)basement baritone
modern day spirituals
was it really you?
KAIA
Oregon
(Mr. Lady)melancholy songs
heartwrenching soulsearching voice
another mind state
THE REPUTATION
The Reputation
(Initial)bad haiku writing
can ruin reputations
but one always tries
MATT SKIBA & KEVIN SECONDS
Split
(Asian Man)songwriting talents
an acoustical duel
relief, it's a draw
TENDER TRAP
Film Molecules
(K)poppy funky beat
caught cold in a tender trap
rock disco treat
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Haiku Record Reviews V
HAIKU REVIEWS
by Gin-su
Continuing in our effort to inject our readers with a shot of culture now and then, we here at the Reglar Wiglar are proud to introduce another installment of haiku record reviews. Classy, ain't it?
ELECTRELANE
Rock It to the Moon
(Mr. Lady)
atmospheric sounds
lush instrumental landscapes
musical head rush
GASOLINE
Take It to the People
10"/CD (Estrus)
sweaty suit and ties
"power-soul" Japanese-style
Yokkaichi Blues Bros.
MOVIOLA
Rumors of the Faithful
(Spirit of Orr)
laidback, lo-fi grooves
you remember indie rock?
Moviola do
ONE TIME ANGELS
Sound of a Restless City
(Adeline)
emo pop punk rock
who makes these once angels sing?
the Devil maybe?
OPERATION MAKEOUT
First Base
(Mint)
rock'n'roll makout's
Canadian kiss station
heading for home base
PETER PARKER
Semiautobiographical
(Recurving)
venom-filled bites
from radioactive spider
makes band of Parkers
V IS FOR VENDETTA
Beneath This Mask Another Mask
(Mr. Lady)
jagged sparse duet
getting over on the math
with the prog folk tip
by Gin-su
Continuing in our effort to inject our readers with a shot of culture now and then, we here at the Reglar Wiglar are proud to introduce another installment of haiku record reviews. Classy, ain't it?
ELECTRELANE
Rock It to the Moon
(Mr. Lady)
atmospheric sounds
lush instrumental landscapes
musical head rush
GASOLINE
Take It to the People
10"/CD (Estrus)
sweaty suit and ties
"power-soul" Japanese-style
Yokkaichi Blues Bros.
MOVIOLA
Rumors of the Faithful
(Spirit of Orr)
laidback, lo-fi grooves
you remember indie rock?
Moviola do
ONE TIME ANGELS
Sound of a Restless City
(Adeline)
emo pop punk rock
who makes these once angels sing?
the Devil maybe?
OPERATION MAKEOUT
First Base
(Mint)
rock'n'roll makout's
Canadian kiss station
heading for home base
PETER PARKER
Semiautobiographical
(Recurving)
venom-filled bites
from radioactive spider
makes band of Parkers
V IS FOR VENDETTA
Beneath This Mask Another Mask
(Mr. Lady)
jagged sparse duet
getting over on the math
with the prog folk tip
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Haiku Record Reviews IV
HAIKU REVIEWS
by Randy McQueen & P.C. Jones
Continuing in our effort to inject our readers with a shot of culture now and then, we here at the Reglar Wiglar are proud to introduce another installment of the haiku record review. Classy, ain't it?
COQUETTISH
Total Pops Madness
(?)
Melodic hardcore
Energy jam packed with speed
Ska Japanese style
KASPAR HAUSER
Bird's Eye/Glazed 7" (Spacesuit)
Electric folky rock
Acoustic indie folk rock
With twenty-four strings
IVAN KLIPSTEIN
Lifestyle (Crustacean)
Bubblegum sweet pop
Pink clouds and friendly hand-clap
Psychedelia
THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING
Drinking Feeling
(Swey)
Playful sad man-boy
Strummy childish delight in
Milk cookies speed car
ORGANIC
7" EP (Microcosm)
Punkers from Portland
Emigrants from Las Vegas
San Francisco sound
WESLEY WILLIS FIASCO
Live EP
(C.R.A.S.)
Metal poesy rock
Whipping wild horses asses
Shout simple friction
UNCLE EDDIE
Uncleddium
(Crustacean)
Not from Ohio
Funky Midwestern white boys
Firehose rides again
by Randy McQueen & P.C. Jones
Continuing in our effort to inject our readers with a shot of culture now and then, we here at the Reglar Wiglar are proud to introduce another installment of the haiku record review. Classy, ain't it?
COQUETTISH
Total Pops Madness
(?)Melodic hardcore
Energy jam packed with speed
Ska Japanese style
KASPAR HAUSER
Bird's Eye/Glazed 7" (Spacesuit)
Electric folky rock
Acoustic indie folk rock
With twenty-four strings
IVAN KLIPSTEIN
Lifestyle (Crustacean)
Bubblegum sweet pop
Pink clouds and friendly hand-clap
Psychedelia
THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING
Drinking Feeling
(Swey)Playful sad man-boy
Strummy childish delight in
Milk cookies speed car
ORGANIC
7" EP (Microcosm)
Punkers from Portland
Emigrants from Las Vegas
San Francisco sound
WESLEY WILLIS FIASCO
Live EP
(C.R.A.S.)Metal poesy rock
Whipping wild horses asses
Shout simple friction
UNCLE EDDIE
Uncleddium
(Crustacean)Not from Ohio
Funky Midwestern white boys
Firehose rides again
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Haiku Record Reviews III
HAIKU REVIEWS
by Gin-su
Continuing in our effort to inject our readers with a shot of culture now and then, we here at the Reglar Wiglar are proud to introduce another installment of haiku record reviews. Classy, ain't it?
CATCH TWENTY-TWO
Dinosaur Sounds
(Victory)
dinos on cover
and ska fueled rock pop and roll
you can't go wrong
THE DESTROYED
Outta Control
(no label)
answering the call
seventies punk pals unite
to destroy again
THE DICK PANTHERS
Differently Abled (Hollow Bunny)
an absurd collage
music as commentary
or as comedy?
EE
Ramadan
(Asian Man)
everyone enjoys
enticingly embracing
ephemeral ease
LIBIDO GRANDE
Wrecked (Failed Experiment)
rock music can mask
biological desires
wrecks you in the end
MARTYR A.D.
On Earth As It Is In Hell
(Victory)
full on metal charge
as tormenting on CD
as it is in hell
JEFF OTT
Will Work for Diapers
(Sub City)
lefty folk music
sales will support a good cause
will sell for diapers
by Gin-su
Continuing in our effort to inject our readers with a shot of culture now and then, we here at the Reglar Wiglar are proud to introduce another installment of haiku record reviews. Classy, ain't it?
CATCH TWENTY-TWO
Dinosaur Sounds
(Victory)
dinos on cover
and ska fueled rock pop and roll
you can't go wrong
THE DESTROYED
Outta Control
(no label)
answering the call
seventies punk pals unite
to destroy again
THE DICK PANTHERS
Differently Abled (Hollow Bunny)
an absurd collage
music as commentary
or as comedy?
EE
Ramadan
(Asian Man)
everyone enjoys
enticingly embracing
ephemeral ease
LIBIDO GRANDE
Wrecked (Failed Experiment)
rock music can mask
biological desires
wrecks you in the end
MARTYR A.D.
On Earth As It Is In Hell
(Victory)
full on metal charge
as tormenting on CD
as it is in hell
JEFF OTT
Will Work for Diapers
(Sub City)
lefty folk music
sales will support a good cause
will sell for diapers
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Haiku Record Reviews II
HAIKU REVIEWS
by Gin-su
Continuing in our effort to inject our readers with a shot of culture now and then, we here at the Reglar Wiglar are proud to introduce another installment of haiku record reviews. Classy, ain't it?
BEDFORD
Spaceships, Sex, and Jealousy (Microcosm/Boss Tunage)
a band now defunct
collects all their singles here
s peed up the pop, punk!
MADDER MORTEM
Deadlands
(The End)
Listen to the ways
madder mortem explore death
you'll be madder too
THE MISTREATERS
Playa Hated to the Fullest
(Estrus)
amped up garage rock
slows down for the white boy blues
ain't mistreated me
THE ORANGES BAND
On TV
(Lookout!)
jangly guitar pop
with sad boy crooner crooning
a good depression
PANTHERS
Let's Get Serious
(Dim Mak)
messy brooklyn rock
most instruments lost in mix
as panther slinks by
SHAI HULUD
That Within Blood Ill Tempered
(Revelation)
very angry men
screaming bloody fucking mess
metallic hardcore
THIS DAY FORWARD
In Response
(Equal Vision)
heavy rock screaming
melodic rock interplay
a dichotomy
by Gin-su
Continuing in our effort to inject our readers with a shot of culture now and then, we here at the Reglar Wiglar are proud to introduce another installment of haiku record reviews. Classy, ain't it?
BEDFORD
Spaceships, Sex, and Jealousy (Microcosm/Boss Tunage)
a band now defunct
collects all their singles here
s peed up the pop, punk!
MADDER MORTEM
Deadlands
(The End)
Listen to the ways
madder mortem explore death
you'll be madder too
THE MISTREATERS
Playa Hated to the Fullest
(Estrus)
amped up garage rock
slows down for the white boy blues
ain't mistreated me
THE ORANGES BAND
On TV
(Lookout!)
jangly guitar pop
with sad boy crooner crooning
a good depression
PANTHERS
Let's Get Serious
(Dim Mak)
messy brooklyn rock
most instruments lost in mix
as panther slinks by
SHAI HULUD
That Within Blood Ill Tempered
(Revelation)
very angry men
screaming bloody fucking mess
metallic hardcore
THIS DAY FORWARD
In Response
(Equal Vision)
heavy rock screaming
melodic rock interplay
a dichotomy
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Haiku Record Reviews
HAIKU REVIEWS
by Gin-su
Continuing in our effort to inject our readers with a shot of culture now and then, we here at the Reglar Wiglar are proud to introduce another installment of Haiku Record Reviews. Classy, ain't it?
ENGINE DOWN
Engine Down
(Lookout!)
Emotional rock
fighting angst and ennui
living is hard, no?
GREENLAWN ABBEY
Greenlawn Abbey
(Diaphragm)
Sixties--style rocking
Toe--tapping and head--bobbing
strongly encouraged
HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS
The Silence in Black and White
(Victory)
current hot genre
rough and smooth vocal hybrid
doesn't work for me
MY REVENGE
Less Plot, More Blood
(Thorp)
The plot does thicken
punk rock drama soon unfolds
my revenge served cold
PIANO DRAG
Send Us a Signal
(One Cell/Ethospine)
jagged sharp edges
recognizable yet new
drag this piano
STRUNG OUT
Exile in Oblivion
(Fat Wreck Chords)
melodic punk rock
ala SoCal to be sure
quintet and Vans vets
DAMAGE CONTROL
What it Takes (Livewire)
damage has been done
with crunchy, distorted chords
control is not lost
by Gin-su
Continuing in our effort to inject our readers with a shot of culture now and then, we here at the Reglar Wiglar are proud to introduce another installment of Haiku Record Reviews. Classy, ain't it?
ENGINE DOWN
Engine Down
(Lookout!)Emotional rock
fighting angst and ennui
living is hard, no?
GREENLAWN ABBEY
Greenlawn Abbey
(Diaphragm)Sixties--style rocking
Toe--tapping and head--bobbing
strongly encouraged
HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS
The Silence in Black and White
(Victory)current hot genre
rough and smooth vocal hybrid
doesn't work for me
MY REVENGE
Less Plot, More Blood
(Thorp)The plot does thicken
punk rock drama soon unfolds
my revenge served cold
PIANO DRAG
Send Us a Signal
(One Cell/Ethospine)jagged sharp edges
recognizable yet new
drag this piano
STRUNG OUT
Exile in Oblivion
(Fat Wreck Chords)melodic punk rock
ala SoCal to be sure
quintet and Vans vets
DAMAGE CONTROL
What it Takes (Livewire)
damage has been done
with crunchy, distorted chords
control is not lost
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Dunc the Punk III
In the interest of keeping things interesting, we here at the Reglar Wiglar Record Review Dept. are always on the lookout for a new way to kill off a couple of reviews, and what better way to do that than to give them to a real life Brit punk rocker? So here he is, he's Dunc the Punk and he's pissed*
THE HIGHER
Star is Dead
(Fiddler)
www.fiddlerrecords.com
Punk is Dead, more like. It used to be about trying to change the way people think, all to a soundtrack of dirty sweaty sex. Now it's about teenage mummy's boys dying their hair blue and playing Blink 182 songs to spoilt rich kids who are trying to shock daddy while on spring break. Dickheads.
JAMISON PARKER
Notes & Photographs (Interscope)
www.interscope.com
It's a sick and fuckin' twisted world. Jangly little indie chancers like these get signed to Interscope, while Dunc's legendary band 'Shit The Bed' are still playing to a couple of old punks and a dog in the back room of the Frog & Pissflaps.
JET LAG
Beautiful Scars
(Get Hip)
www.gethip.com
Dunc reckons the title of this record is quite apt, since it contains a cover of that flute Aguilera's 'Beautiful', which has scarred Dunc for life. These Spanish fucksticks have taken an already jizz-sodden song and somehow made it soggier. Minging.
THE KITE-EATING TREE
Method: Fail, Repeat...
(Cowboy v. Sailor/ Suburban Home)
www.suburbanhomerecords.com
Q: How many emo kids does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They just sit around in the dark crying about it.
LONG SINCE FORGOTTEN
Standing Room Only
(RocketStar)
www.rocketstar.com
Dunc hates pop-up adds. They get in the way of the Johnny Vaughn. And now those shitcunts at Orbitz have one with a game called Dunk the Punk on it. What the fuck? Dunc never endorsed that, and will be suing the adams off of 'em just as soon as he's finished writing about shit bands with shit names and shit songs.
MR. T EXPERIENCE
Yesterday Rules
(Lookout!)
www.lookoutrecords.com
Yesterday did rule, cos Dunc finally convinced his bird to take it up the wrong-un. Yesterday Dunc was also blissfully unaware that any band would even consider releasing anything as Andrew WK-sounding as "Sorry For Freaking Out On The Phone Last Night." A steaming pirate ship from start to finish.
ON THE MIGHT OF PRINCESS
Sirens
(Revelation)
www.revelationrecords.com
This lot obviously want to be like And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead. They have a similarly long and ridiculous name, an equally awful album cover, with a just a smidge of the same rock fury. Sadly however, Dunc had more fun having his Jimi removed than listening to this record.
PEPPER
In with the Old
(Volcom Entertainment)
www.volcoment.com
If Dunc wanted cod reggae, he'd listen to Bob Marley while eating fish 'n' chips smothered in inspector. Dunc doesn't want to listen to surfers play reggae anymore than he wants to watch reggae artists surfing. Why is that such a hard concept to grasp, Pepper?
SCARS OF TOMORROW
Rope Tied to the Trigger
(Victory)
www.victoryrecords.com
Dunc would be happy to pull that rope. Shit Armani.
SELFMADEMAN
The Daylight Robbery
(SmallMan)
www.smallmanrecords.com
Dunc can't get his head round screamo. Emo is whiny self-loathing, and nu-metal is vacuous macho posturing, so putting 'em together was bound to sound like a wet fart in the bathtub. And charging actual Arthur for this cobblers is daylight robbery. Dunc feels cheated and he got his copy gratis! Fair play to these particular Sri Lankas though, for realizing just how shit they really are and splitting up, saving us all from any more Frasier.
STREETLIGHT MANIFESTO
Everything Goes Numb
(Victory)
www.victoryrecords.com
If god had wanted punk rock to include trumpets, he wouldn't have made 'em so fuckin' hard to play, and he wouldn't have made 'em sound so pony either. Perhaps if this band had been called Street-Fight Manifesto, and had written songs about beating up Millwall fans, Dunc might have liked 'em. But they didn't.
The Reglar Wiglar Guide To Cockney
Adam (and The Ants) = Pants
Andrew WK = Gay
Arthur (Ashe) = Cash
(Brass) Flute = Prostitute
Fraiser (Crane) = Pain
(Georgio) Armani = Sarnie, Sandwich
Inspector (Morse) = Brown Sauce
Jimi (Hendrix) = Appendix
Johnny Vaughn = Porn
Pirate Ship = Pile of Shit
Pony (and Trap) = Crap
Sri Lanka = Wanker
*The opinions of Dunc the Punk do not reflect those of the Reglar Wiglar or, quite possibly, anyone anywhere.
THE HIGHER
Star is Dead
(Fiddler)www.fiddlerrecords.com
Punk is Dead, more like. It used to be about trying to change the way people think, all to a soundtrack of dirty sweaty sex. Now it's about teenage mummy's boys dying their hair blue and playing Blink 182 songs to spoilt rich kids who are trying to shock daddy while on spring break. Dickheads.
JAMISON PARKER
Notes & Photographs (Interscope)
www.interscope.com
It's a sick and fuckin' twisted world. Jangly little indie chancers like these get signed to Interscope, while Dunc's legendary band 'Shit The Bed' are still playing to a couple of old punks and a dog in the back room of the Frog & Pissflaps.
JET LAG
Beautiful Scars
(Get Hip)www.gethip.com
Dunc reckons the title of this record is quite apt, since it contains a cover of that flute Aguilera's 'Beautiful', which has scarred Dunc for life. These Spanish fucksticks have taken an already jizz-sodden song and somehow made it soggier. Minging.
THE KITE-EATING TREE
Method: Fail, Repeat...
(Cowboy v. Sailor/ Suburban Home)www.suburbanhomerecords.com
Q: How many emo kids does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They just sit around in the dark crying about it.
LONG SINCE FORGOTTEN
Standing Room Only
(RocketStar)www.rocketstar.com
Dunc hates pop-up adds. They get in the way of the Johnny Vaughn. And now those shitcunts at Orbitz have one with a game called Dunk the Punk on it. What the fuck? Dunc never endorsed that, and will be suing the adams off of 'em just as soon as he's finished writing about shit bands with shit names and shit songs.
MR. T EXPERIENCE
Yesterday Rules
(Lookout!)www.lookoutrecords.com
Yesterday did rule, cos Dunc finally convinced his bird to take it up the wrong-un. Yesterday Dunc was also blissfully unaware that any band would even consider releasing anything as Andrew WK-sounding as "Sorry For Freaking Out On The Phone Last Night." A steaming pirate ship from start to finish.
ON THE MIGHT OF PRINCESS
Sirens
(Revelation)www.revelationrecords.com
This lot obviously want to be like And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead. They have a similarly long and ridiculous name, an equally awful album cover, with a just a smidge of the same rock fury. Sadly however, Dunc had more fun having his Jimi removed than listening to this record.
PEPPER
In with the Old
(Volcom Entertainment)www.volcoment.com
If Dunc wanted cod reggae, he'd listen to Bob Marley while eating fish 'n' chips smothered in inspector. Dunc doesn't want to listen to surfers play reggae anymore than he wants to watch reggae artists surfing. Why is that such a hard concept to grasp, Pepper?
SCARS OF TOMORROW
Rope Tied to the Trigger
(Victory)www.victoryrecords.com
Dunc would be happy to pull that rope. Shit Armani.
SELFMADEMAN
The Daylight Robbery
(SmallMan)www.smallmanrecords.com
Dunc can't get his head round screamo. Emo is whiny self-loathing, and nu-metal is vacuous macho posturing, so putting 'em together was bound to sound like a wet fart in the bathtub. And charging actual Arthur for this cobblers is daylight robbery. Dunc feels cheated and he got his copy gratis! Fair play to these particular Sri Lankas though, for realizing just how shit they really are and splitting up, saving us all from any more Frasier.
STREETLIGHT MANIFESTO
Everything Goes Numb
(Victory)www.victoryrecords.com
If god had wanted punk rock to include trumpets, he wouldn't have made 'em so fuckin' hard to play, and he wouldn't have made 'em sound so pony either. Perhaps if this band had been called Street-Fight Manifesto, and had written songs about beating up Millwall fans, Dunc might have liked 'em. But they didn't.
The Reglar Wiglar Guide To Cockney
Adam (and The Ants) = Pants
Andrew WK = Gay
Arthur (Ashe) = Cash
(Brass) Flute = Prostitute
Fraiser (Crane) = Pain
(Georgio) Armani = Sarnie, Sandwich
Inspector (Morse) = Brown Sauce
Jimi (Hendrix) = Appendix
Johnny Vaughn = Porn
Pirate Ship = Pile of Shit
Pony (and Trap) = Crap
Sri Lanka = Wanker
*The opinions of Dunc the Punk do not reflect those of the Reglar Wiglar or, quite possibly, anyone anywhere.
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