This Week in Rock, Chicago!

MONDAY, JULY 26, 6:00PM

BOMB THE MUSIC INDUSTRY, THE GUNSHY, SANAWON
REGGIES ROCK CLUB
2109 S. State St.
312-949-0121/866-468-3401
Price: 10 bucks, all ages

TUESDAY, JULY 27, 8PM

SMASKING PUMPKINS, KILL HANNAH
METRO
3730 N. Clark St.
773-549-0203
Price: 10 bucks

WEDNESDAY, JULY 28, 8:30PM

PROTOMEN, SUPER 8 BIT BROTHERS, ADVENTURES OF DUANE & BRANDO
SUBTERRANEAN
2011 W. North Ave.
773-278-6600/ 866-468-3401
Price: 10 bucks

THURSDAY, JULY 29, 6:30PM

TORTOISE W/ ED WILKERSON, NICOLE MITCHELL & OTHERS
PRITZKER PAVILLION
Michigan & Randolph
312-742-1168/773-525-2501
Price: Free

FRIDAY, JULY 30, 6PM

KUNG FU VAMPIRE, PREP SCHOOL TRAGEDY, 2NANE, LIL SICC & INTREKIT, TRAKULA, MISSION: 16
BOTTOM LOUNGE
1375 W. Lake St.
312-666-6775/866-468-3401
Price: 13 bucks

SATURDAY, JULY 31, 12PM

Wicker Park Fest:
CAP'N JAZZ, MISSION OF BURMA, HOLY FUCK, PINEBENDER, INDIAN, LA RIOTS & MORE
WICKER PARK FEST
Milwaukee between North & Wood
Price: some sort of suggested donation probably

SUNDAY, AUGUST 1, 9PM

ARKANSAS WEIRDO POP: MEMPHIS PENCILS/MESSY SPARKLES
SILVIE'S LOUNGE
1902 W. Irving Park Rd.
773-871-6239
Price: 5 bucks

EXTRA! EXTRA! Read all about it!

COMICBOOK NERDS BATTLE BAPTIST BIGOTS!

Obama-Tuned

Double Rainbow!!!

This Week in Rock, Chicago!

MONDAY, JULY 19, 6:30PM

KID SISTER, KONONO NO. 1
PRITZKER PAVILLION
Michigan & Randolph
312-742-1168
Price: Free

TUESDAY, JULY 20, 8PM

ARIEL PINK'S HAUNTED GRAFFITI, PURO INSTINCT, MAGIC KIDS
LINCOLN HALL
2424 N. Lincoln Ave.
773-525-2501
Price: 14 bucks

WEDNESDAY, JULY 21, 8PM

B-52'S
RAVINIA
Green Bay & Lake Cook
847-266-5100
Price: 27 bucks

THURSDAY, JULY 22, 6PM

JOHNNY & THE LIMELIGHTS, MICKEY, BRIAN'S DIRTY BUSINESS
LAURIE'S PLANET OF SOUND
4639 N. Lincoln Ave.
773-271-3569
Price: Free In-Store 

FRIDAY, JULY 23, 7PM

COOL KIDS, THEOPHILUS LONDON
REGGIE'S ROCK ROOM
2109 South State Street
312-949-0121/866-468-3401
Price: 10 bucks

SATURDAY, JULY 24, 9PM

APOSTLE OF SOLITUDE, IRON TONGUE, DIRTY STREETS, KILLER MOON
METAL SHAKER
3394 N. Milwaukee Ave.
773-286-4482
Price: ???

SUNDAY, JULY 25, 9PM

THE REMEMBERWHENS
KELROY, TURBO CONTROLLER, WARHELLRIDE
DOUBLE DOOR
1572 N. Milwaukee Ave.
773-489-3160/877-435-9849
Price: 5 bucks

This Week in Rock, Chicago!

Sorry, so late...

MONDAY, JULY 12, 10PM

LOVER!, KING LOUIE'S MISSING MONUMENTS, SLEEPOVERS
HIDEOUT
1354 W. Wabansia Ave.
773-227-4433 or 866-468-3401
Price: 5 bucks

TUESDAY, JULY 13, 7PM

THE MINOR LEAGUE
HEARTSOUNDS, THE REVISION PLAN, YOUNG MOUNTAIN, TRUNKS & TALES
RONNY'S
2101 N. California Ave.
Don't call Ronny's, they'll call you.
Price: 7 bucks.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 14, 8PM

IN TALL BUILDINGS, VILLAGE, HONEST ENGINES, CHRASH
LINCOLN HALL
2424 N. Lincoln Ave.
773-525-2501
Price: 10 bucks

THURSDAY, JULY 15, 9:30PM

JACK OBLIVIAN & THE TENNESSEE TEARJERKERS, JOHN PAUL KEITH & THE ONE FOUR FIVES, MIDWEST BEAT
EMPTY BOTTLE
1035 N. Western Ave.
773-276-3600 or 866-468-3401
Price: 10 bucks.

FRIDAY, JULY 16, 8PM

4th ANNUAL METAL MERGENCE: Chicago's
Heavy Metal Conference
SOULS DEMISE, LAIR OF THE MINOTAUR, EARTHEN GRAVE, MINDWARP CHAMBER, FALSEFACED, MALAS, FIRST JASON!
REGGIE'S ROCK ROOM
2109 South State Street
773 857 2172
Price: 10 bucks

SATURDAY, JULY 17, 9PM

TESCO VEE'S HATE POLICE, WHITE FLAG, DAS KAPITAL, FESTER
ABBEY PUB
3420 W. Grace St.
773-463-5808 or 866-468-3401
Price: 12 bucks

SUNDAY, JULY 18, 9PM

NETHERFRIENDS, ALAYA CONSCIOUS, A LULL
DOUBLE DOOR
1572 N. Milwaukee Ave.
773-489-3160 or 877-435-9849
Price: 15 bucks

One Word Horoscopes

CANCER
June 21-July 22

One Word Horoscope: Invest

Visit Bizarro Zodiac! 

The Adventures of Jim Bob & Pencilneck

Written by Bif LeBeau, the godfather of the Ridiculous Fiction movement, in the late 1980s before his mysterious disappearance, The Adventures of Jim Bob & Pencilneck chronicles the lives and misfortunes of two American kids growing up in the Heartland. The Reglar Wiglar will be running this exclusive serial in its entirety. Read Chapter Two now.

Good Trailer/Bad Movie Part I

Harvey Pekar dead at 70

R.I.P. you miserable S.O.B. (and we mean that as a compliment)

Vinyl Review: Sleepovers 7"

SLEEPOVERS
Secret 7” EP (HoZac)

The sugar poppin' Sleepovers, add some variety to the HoZac roster with this three song seven inch disc. This four piece band, (featuring a married couple as well as a set of twins!) would have you believe that sleepovers are fun. On the surface that seems like a pretty innocuous statement, but I am here to tell you the not all sleepovers are fun. Some end in tragedy, like in this example for instance: Slumber Party Massacre II! Not so fun. At any rate, Sleepovers aren't concerned with items from the cold case files. They're too busy warming your heart with their infectious melodies, and while I have a very low tolerance for power popin general, the three songs on the Secret EP is a low enough dose—Sara Ailin

Sleepovers

Vinyl Review: The People's Temple 7" EP

THE PEOPLE’S TEMPLE
Make You Understand 7” EP
(HoZac)

The People's Temple is a teenage gang from the Mitten State (awwww!) that kick out a fuzzed in punk rock that will try to make you understand on "Make You Understand." "Machine" may slow the cog roll by a tatch or two but the underlying intensity remains. And a big thanks for reminding the world about Jim Jones and his People's Temple, ya'll. On a related note, Kool-Aid Man turns 35 this year—Marshall "Stack" Applewhite

[The People's Temple]

Vinyl Review: Fungi Girls 7"

FUNGI GIRLS
“Turquoise Hotel” b/w “Doldrums” 7” (HoZac)

There are fungus among us, people, and it's Fungi Girls. These boys put the fung back in fungi. Rumor has it these lads ain't even old enough to drive motorized vehicles, yet here they are powering a 60's garage rock jalopy. "Turquoise Hotel" is a decent enough track, but b-side "Doldrums" is the real mushroom on the platter with a darkly moist groove and a nonchalant croon—Jimmy Jack Wombat
[Fungi Girls]

Small World Cup: Final

The Cup the sports press doesn't really cover

The FIBFA* Small World Cup 

July 11, 1:30
Vatican City vs. Fiji

*FIBFA: Federation of Itty Bitty Futbol Associations

Vinyl Review: Fey Gods 7"

FEY GODS
“Untied” b/w “Bury Me Standing" 7” (HoZac)

“Untied” sounds like something you might find on an Oh My Gawd-era Flaming Lips record. Sung by the Nick portion of Fey Gods, it's a stripped down, ballady affair that's hardly what you would call a ballad even though I just called it ballady in this very sentence. “Bury Me Standing" is a lot more of an abrasive effort with the Lula portion taking over on vocal duties and scratching out some sort of intelligible ruminations over primitive noisy beat—Michelle Rachmann [Fey Gods]

Vinyl LP Review: Woven Bones

WOVEN BONES
In and Out and Back Again (HoZac)

Woven Bones is a trio out of Austin, TX who play a stripped down, no frills rock and roll that’s just as likely to take on a psychedelic beach bum beat as get sopped up in a reverby swamp-land, stompy stew. The nine songs on In and Out and Back Again stick to that basic script and the result is as liable to leave a snarly buzz in your brain as a ditchweed fatty. That’s what it does for me anyway. This is music for crappy amps and basements that smell like cigarettes and puke. Those particular smells may not have been on hand at the band’s Empty Bottle show on June 24th, but perhaps there was still a trace sent of stale cat urine wafting in the air to get people in the mood—Joey T. Germ [Woven Bones]

Eh, Why Not?

Slipknot Has Most Definitely Never Sounded This Good

KISS Wishes They Sounded This Good

Van Halen Has Sounded Better, but not much!

Small World Cup: Semi-Finals

The Cup the sports press doesn't really cover

The FIBFA* Small World Cup 

July 7, 1:30
Vatican City vs. Djibouti

July 8, 1:30
Tonga vs. Fiji

*FIBFA: Federation of Itty Bitty Futbol Associations

Vinyl Review: Rayon Beach EP

RAYON BEACH
The Memory Teeth EP (HoZac)

Rayon Beach concoct a highly lustered, if not brightly sheened psychy garage sound on this six song EP. Pitching their tent as well in the Austin HoZac camp, Beach bunnies Tom Sutherland and Mike Naccarato set the tone early with side one's "Wave Pool Ether" but let it get even weirder with the trippy manipulations on the side closing "Dust Will Never Sleep." That all gets outdone by the flipside when the boys bring it to a boil on the raving "Comet Songs" before turning down the heat to let the brain simmer in "Jacuzzi Limo Explosion"—a song which, if someone were to tell me was an early Modern Lovers demo, I'd believe them. In summation, Rayon Beach will knock your memory teeth out and make you forget you ever had them—Joey T. Germ [Rayon Beach]

This Week in Rock, Chicago!

MONDAY, JULY 5, 6:30PM

THERMALS, DISAPPEARS
MILLENNIUM PARK, PRITZKER PAVILLION
312-742-1168
Price: No bucks!
 
TUESDAY, JULY 6, 8:30PM

JON LANGFORD, WALTER SALAS-HUMARA
THE HIDEOUT
1354 West Wabansia Ave.
773-227-4433
Price: 10 bucks

WEDNESDAY, JULY 7, 7:30PM

RUSH
CHARTER ONE PAVILLION
1300 S. Linn White Dr.
312-540-2000
Price: a lot probably.

THURSDAY, JULY 8, 7PM

THE HENCHMEN (from California), STELLAR CORPSES, 
JOHNNY MURDER AND THE 25 TO LIFE, 
THE KRANK DADDIES, THE UGLY
RONNY'S
2101 N. California Ave.
Don't call Ronny's, they'll call you.
Price: 7 bucks.

FRIDAY, JULY 9, 10PM

FUCKED UP, TIGHT PHANTOMZ
EMPTY BOTTLE
1035 N. Western Ave.
773-276-3600/866-468-3401
Price: 10 bucks

SATURDAY, JULY 10, 10PM

KUMA'S CORNER BLOCK PARTY: EARTHRIDE, 
RED FANG, ATLAS MOTH, LORD MANTIS, SWAN KING
KUMA'S CORNER
2900 W. Belmont Ave.
773-604-8769

SUNDAY, JULY 11, 6PM

STATE & MADISON, WINDSOR DRIVE, JONAS SEES IN COLOR, WITHOUT A FACE BEAT KITCHEN
2100 W. Belmont Ave.
773-281-4444 or 866-468-3401
Price: 10 bucks

New Technology Department

Are you still cracking eggs like a G.D. caveman? Get with the times! Get a frickin' EZ Cracker already.


As Seen on TV!

Albini: All In

You Down with the Gaylords Homey?

Chicago's Finest All-White Gang from the 60s and 70s.

Record Review: Self-Evident

SELF-EVIDENT

Endings (doubleplusgood)

This trio from the Mini Apple have persevered for over a decade, releasing a smattering of records that employ a precise mathy set of arrangements and a sound that hovers somewhere between Don Caballero and the great Fugazmund, even recalling the Minutemen at times in its vocal stylings. What should be evident is that Self-Evident have shown no signs of let up or slow down in their long career, unless Endings means something in that regard, which one would certainly hope not—Joey T. Germ [Self-Evident]

self-evident - "The Past" from Northern Outpost on Vimeo.

Guns & Roses Have Rarely Sounded So Good

AC/DC Has Never Sounded Better

Steve Vai Has Never Sounded Better

Danzig Has Never Sounded Better

Dunc the Punk

Dunc the Punk sods off!

JUSTIN BEIBER
My World 2.0
(Island)

 

---

ROLLING STONES
Exile on Main St.
Super Deluxe Edition
(Hip-0)

 

---

OASIS
Time Flies... 1994 — 2009 (Big Brother)

 

Dunc was supposed to review these records, but quite frankly he can't be arsed. He has no interest in listening to a bunch of men with more wrinkles than his own ballbag. 

He has no idea who Justin Beiber is, but assumes he is a moronic numpty who gets pre-teen girls wet. And Oasis are a band with egos inversely proportional to any talent they may have ever had. No. Dunc is only interested in the World Cup. The single greatest event in the fucking world.

Even when all the fans are unaware that vuvuzelas sound worse than Satan's farts and England are playing like toilet, Dunc can't get enough of it. This one is particularly good, with the Germans (sorry Justin— Jewmans) losing to Serbia and the Frogs fighting with each other. (When the French fight each other, who surrenders first?)

Oh, and Dunc wants all you septics to know that we gave you that goal to make up for the BP farrago. So we're even now, right?