Thursday, January 24, 2008

Weeds the Dope Dog

Editor's note: This disgusting little piece of commentary was written by stand-up comic, Monsieur Champagne (published in Reglar Wiglar #10) back in 1998 when he was even more obscure and pitiful.

WEEDS THE DOPE DOG

By Matt "Ol' Brown Eye" Champagne, Comedian


It is fairly common knowledge that I don't wipe well. My number two's have always been a bit on the rich side, and no matter how much wiping, cleaning, dabbing or regrouting I attempt, there's just no way to completely rid my brown eye of the old brown, if you follow me. Irritation soon follows, of course, and it's usually around midday that I start to look like I'm attempting to do the twist or the shag or the worm: an almost convulsive walk with upward tugs coming from the hips in a desperate attempt to get back to the can to indulge in additional wiping.

(The rest is too foul to publish here, if you wish to continue reading please click here.)

No comments: