Friday, December 13, 2013

REGLAR WIGLAR 2OTH ANNIVERSARY 1993-2013

From RW#17, 2002:

IDIOTORIAL
Like many people alive today, things bother me. Big things bother me of course: terrorism, wars on terrorism (things getting blown up specifically), -white collar criminals (greedy fuckers in general), popular music (P. Diddy -in particular), but little things bother me too. I thought I'd share a few of them with you. It's much easier than offering any constructive solutions for -the bigger things that bother most people alive today.

THINK INSIDE THE BOX
It's time for people to get their thinking back inside the box. I know many of you have good intentions. You want to go against the grain and do something different. You want to march to the beat of a different drummer and be a creative problem solver, etc., but please, what we could really use right now--what would really help all of us out--is if we all started thinking inside the box. We need to ask ourselves questions like: What is normally done in these situations? What is everybody else doing? How would grandpa (wise man that he is) tackle this problem? How has it always been done--not perfectly, not uniquely--but what has worked before? Let's get back inside the box.

ON THE HOOK
Let's get it back on the hook and keep it on the hook. Our clothes don't need to be off the hook. Our music doesn't need to be off the hook. Our cars, our hairstyles, our stereos--these things don't need to be off the hook. None of it needs to be off the hook. Not anymore. Let's get it all back on the hook. Let's get it back in the box and onto the hook where it belongs. Let's get organized.

LOGISTICAL NIGHTMARE
Logistics. I can't go a day without hearing someone, somewhere incorporating the word logistics into everyday conversation. Logistics according to the the American Heritage Dictionary pertains to the "procurement, distribution, maintenance and replacement of materiel and personnel." That's materiel: "equipment and supplies of a military force." It's a military word. They made it up, they can use it. It's not a word for you to use when you go a-blabbin' about the logistics of throwing a dinner party for twelve people or trying to get a keg of beer up the back stairs without the landlord seeing. Let's give that word back to the military where we heard it from General What's-His-Name on CNN eight months ago. This is a time of war and it's not helping our cause if every schmoe on the street goes around talking about logistics this and logistics that. Planning a wedding shower or a bachelor party is not a logistical nightmare, it's probably just a bad idea.

TURN SIGNALS
Somewhere far, far away, in a country ending in -istan, Canadians are accidentally having bombs dropped on them just so you can enjoy the freedom to make left turns in front of oncoming traffic at intersections. But your intentions to drive like a nutcase need not be concealed. I'm talking about turn signals, assholes, use 'em!

That's it for now but I'm sure I'll think of something else real soon. Until then . . .
Piece.

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