Sunday, October 27, 2013


Rise, sheep! Rise and say baaaah!

Ok, I admit it. At times, I was a bit of an a-hole when it came to reviewing music, but I really didn't start the Reglar Wiglar to get shit-loads of free CDs. They just started coming and coming and coming and no matter how abusive my reviews got, more came. Here are a few from RW#8, 1997. The last review for the band Bennet, actually earned me a phone call from someone at their record label. I remember it well, as it was the day after my birthday and I was trying to enjoy a hangover on the couch when this obviously in-a-snit lady called to inform me that she had read my review of Bennet's Super Natural record. "If you can even call it a review," she said. I was pretty floored. (Someone had read my zine? Nice!) I told the lady, I don't call them reviews either. The conversation just sort of fizzled out at that point with me offering no apologies. (What was a British pop band doing on Roadrunner Records anyway?) I wasn't proud of the fact that I had ruined some label rep's day, she was probably a very hardworking, dedicated employee who didn't like seeing the bands she was working with get trashed by some smart-ass zinester, but if you want to blame somebody, blame the band. They made the record, I was just the one who had to listen to it. Harumpf!

Antichrist Superstar (Nothing)
Marilyn Manson? I see people walkin' around Uptown (tryin' their best to look like they got their shit together) that look scarier than these guys. You're all freaks! Go back to bed—P.C. Jones

Still Suffering (Tooth & Nail)
You're still suffering? I just sat through your whole CD, buddy! Klank is as Klank does, I guess we are to believe. Klank is Daren "Klank" Diolosa. He signed his record contract in his own blood (this is true, it says so in his bio). Oh, you bet I'd be scared if I was Klank's label. Imagine the guy who gave him the contract when Klank pulls out a knife and ceremoniously slices his hand open to draw the blood-ink from him veins. "A excuse me, Mr. Klank, deals with the Devil are done down the hall in the Marketing Department"—Joey Germ

Hi, We're the Fairlanes 7" EP (Suburban Home)
Hi, I'm Joey Germ and I'll be reviewing your record and that's not necessarily a good thing if you are at all sensitive to bad reviews. Just kiddin' fellahs (true as it may be). The Fairlanes. Pop punk from Colorado. Happy pop punk. Kids with real swell attitudes. Songs about girls, love, and bein' in love with girls. Sugary pop punk. Archies meet the Ramones in the Rockies. Ooow wa oooo WA oooo WA a WA ooo. You fuckers got off easy. Don't send me anymore of your records and nobody gets hurt—Joey "Don't Sing Me Love Songs" Germ

Super Natural (Roadrunner)
"...a splendid nifty popcore blend of cheerily cynical Brit melodies and spunky Yank guitars."—NME. 

I'm going to lead with that quote from New Musical Express just in case I start rambling and don't actually mention the Bennet record again, which could happen. I don't know, on the one hand, it seems like every band blowing out of Britain these days is just trying to out "pop" each other. I mean, where does the buggery end? If you like Oasis and you dig Supergrass and pop music and all that, then hey, you just might think Bennet are the cat's jammie jams, or a really good rip-off. I don't know... there's supposed to be some tie-in to American-type grunge music too, but fuck, it's been about five years since grunge has been around and my punk ass still hasn't figured out what it is. Bennet, Supernatural, you might like it—Joey "Slack MF" Germ

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