Monday, August 26, 2013

REGLAR WIGLAR 2OTH ANNIVERSARY 1993-2013

From RW#4, 1994. After four issues of the Reglar Wiglar, an interesting phenomenon started occuring: record labels began sending me free copies of CDs for review. What to do with these CDs was becoming a problem that would multiply in the following years. I felt obligated to review them. Most of them were too awful to have any resale value. Well, why not toss them from the window of my office onto the Western Avenue overpass? Seemed like the thing to do. And so it was done. Actually of the five CDs listed below, two are fake. Can you guess which ones?


 
WESTERN AVENUE
The Longest Noncurving Street in the World 

Western Avenue, the longest, if not the cruelest, dirtiest, most unforgiving and merciless, noncurving street in the world: I've seen it rear its ugly, asphalt-coated head, open its guardrail jaws and devour countless autos, hapless pedestrians and innocent school children. I've seen it destroy people's lives, loves and dreams. So, if we listen to something and it really offends us--pisses us off because it sucks so bad—yeah, you catch on quick, it gets the toss down to Western Avenue, where it don't last log, genius—J. Germ

The Blow Pops—American Beauties (Get Hip)
Shattered on impact.

7669—From a Bad Block (Motown)
Instantly swept under a large furniture truck with Michigan plate, perhaps headed back to Motown.

Mortal Combat—The Album (Vernon Yard)
I'd like to shake the hand of the prodigy in marketing who initiated the "theme music from a violent video game" trend. I hope it lasts as long as this particular copy lasted under that Chevy Blazer. Yeehaw!

Sin Nation Sinsation—The Second Coming of... (Metalli-Sized)
This CD exploded and literally disappeared upon impact.

Pole SmokerDevine Persperation (RoosterCow)
Once you hit a police cruiser with a Pole Smoker CD, it's pretty much game over.

No comments: