Thursday, August 22, 2013



RW#5, 1995

Hey Wiglar Fans. At long last issue five. Sorry it took awhile. We we're advised by our agent, Bruce Noodleman, that we should hold off on the street date for the new Wiglar until the street buzz had built up a little more: "Make 'em sweat like junkies waiting for a fix." (Bruce fancies himself as having somewhat of a clue.) We here at the Wiglar Braintrust found a little bit of wisdom in Bruce's wizened words. "Bruce is right," we all agreed. "Make 'em wait. After all, they ain't payin' for shit. And what do they get in return? QP, that's what; Quality Product. That's what the Reglar -Wiglar is; Quality Product."

Ahh, but then Bruce had a change of heart. God bless 'im. He told us, "You guys gotta get the new Wiglar out. Kid's wanna see it. They need it. If all you care about is testing the loyalty of your reading public, then you might as well just toss in the towel right now. The Wiglar isn't a fucking product, man. It's for the kids, about the kids, by the kids. YOU CAN'T PUT A PRICE TAG ON THAT!"

That gave us pause for thought. (Enough pause for a couple of cases of that new Red Mutt shit--5.5% alcohol, man. I love the '90s, they make the '80s look like a picnic at the tot-lot.) Bruce was right. We knew Bruce was right. I mean, what the fuck? The Wiglar is for the Kids, not for the Man. That's what "Alternative Music" is all about: bucking the system, going against the grain, swimming upstream and critics be damned. Bands like the Gin Blossoms and Stone Temple Pilots aren't out there sweatin' it in the arenas for their own personal gain. They're out there takin' it to the next level, testing the boundaries of what's acceptable, pushing people's buttons and pushing the envelope. They're not about commercialism or cashing in on a trend.

Artistic integrity doesn't keep the wolves from the door, but it sure as shit sounds good after a couple of beers. Then Bruce pointed something out. "You know, the Wiglar's got kind of a DIY feel to it," Bruce said. "And, hell even if it isn't DIY, it still looks like a do-it-yourself operation. People don't know if you're backed by Urban Outfitters or The Gap, man. As long as you look like you're going against the mainstream and convey that with enough conviction to make even the old school purists out there clench their fists and say, 'Hell yeah, Wiglar, sell it to 'em, baby!', then like the man said, 'Cash in now, honey!"

Sell out. Cash in. Just Do It. Don't jump through hoops.

So anyway, this Wiglar's late. Fuckin' Bruce.

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