Tuesday, August 20, 2013

REGLAR WIGLAR 2OTH ANNIVERSARY 1993-2013

I'm not exactly sure what this fictitious band interview from RW#3 was supposed to parody. Close-minded dudes? Political correctness? Riot grrrls? Or maybe just band interviews in general. Don't know. Do you?

VAG GIRLS

I Wish They All Could be California Girls

Interviewed by MUGGSY McMURPHY

Published in RW#3, 1994

Chicks with guitars? Boner time, dude. Chicks are doin' the rock'n'roll thing now more than ever, man, and yah gotta dig that. Out to prove that anything we men can do, they can do cooler, if not sexier, gives these girls the rockin' right of way. From the West Coast, tourin' the country right now, is one such band, the Vag Girls (I wish they all could be California girls). The Vag Girls played recently at the Rock Candy Club in Milwaukee opening for the Woodrows and yours truly just happened to be backstage after the show, a little drunk of course, and got the opportunity to chat with these fine femmes for a bit. I wish they all could be California riot grrrrls!

Christine: vocals/guitar
Jody: vocals/bass
Melissa: guitar
Brenda: drums

Muggsy: Howdy ladies, how'er y'all doin'?

Christine: Good Muggsy and yourself?

Muggsy: I'm the luckiest dude in the whole world.

Christine: And why's that?

Muggsy: I'm sitting here with thee four hottest chicks in rock'n'roll, that's all.

(several minutes of uncomfortable silence)

Muggsy: You guys sounded great tonight be they way. Fuckin' smokin'.

Jody: Thanks.

Muggsy: Hey, did you guys watch the Woodrows' set tonight? Fuckin'
smokin'. So why don't you tell me a little bit about the origin of The Vag Girls. I understand you're all pretty much rock veterans, or is it "veteranettes"?

Jody: I think you can just say vets, Muggsy. 

Muggsy: Vets, huh? What's the difference?

Jody: I think it would be safer for you if you were a little less gender specific, that's all.

Muggsy: Right.

Christine: Me and Jody have been playing together since we were in junior high school. Our first band was called Sealed Lips.

Jody: We were actually heavily influenced by the Go Gos. We played a couple dances and some of our friend's parties, pretty low key, low profile. We were only fifteen.

Muggsy: No drummer.

Christine: We had a drummer named Marla. She only had a snare drum and a tambourine, but she played them at the same time.

Jody: Then in high school we were in a band called Adultress. We were still dumb girls back then but we were in to the Pretenders pretty heavy, so we were just starting to come around.

Muggsy: What about you two? How'd you hook up with these ladies?

Brenda: Well, me and Melissa were already in a band called The Clitons when we met Christine and Jody. We were big fans of their band Jug Tank which was just starting to play out.

Muggsy: Jug Tank? I've heard the name.

Christine: That was our band after Love Carnal—which was pretty much Mrs. Thang with a different name—split up.

Muggsy: Ahh Christ! Let's talk about something else, I'm getting dizzy. So you guys have been around for awhile.

Christine: Eight months.

Muggsy: No, not Vag Girls, in general, as you've just illustrated, you've been playing rock'n'roll in some capacity or another for a while now, so this whole new focus on "girl bands" and the attention that bands like the Breeders and L7 are getting how does this affect you?

Christine: There have always been women in rock, no doubt, but sometimes all girl bands were considered more of a novelty than a serious rock act. Today it's different and hopefully it's not just a passing fad.

Muggsy: No but seriously, how does it make you feel to be a part of this new trend?

Christine: The fact that I really don't think it's a trend was my point.

Muggsy: Right, right, I know, but do you feel like this girl rock thing is just a flash in the pan like disco in the '70s?

Christine: We feel fine.

Muggsy: See, I knew you had an opinion.

(At this point, judging from the interview tape and not from personal recollection, as I don't recollect anything of this interview, Erin and Marvy from the Woodrows stop by to hang out.)

Erin: Hey Muggsy, how's it hangin'? Wanna beer? Looks like you could use one.

Muggsy: Thanks bro. So this is great man, equality in rockin' and rollin'. Are you guys fans of each other's music? Christine, what do you think of the Woodrows? They rock don't they?

Christine: Yeah, we've always had a lot of respect for their music.

Muggsy: Pretty cute too, huh? Maybe your two bands could get somethin' goin'. Know what I mean?

Christine: Yeah, I think I do.

(Later)

Christine: You don't look too good, Muggsy. I don't think you need anymore to drink.

Muggsy: Fuck it, baby. I know when to say no, you know? I'm the man and that's wass up. Hey fuck. What time is it? I gotta get to the train stasssion. I can't walk.

(Unfortunately, I can't distinguish whose voice is whose at this point, which is extremely lucky for the parties involved as I was planning on killing them.)

What should we do with him?

We could put his hand in a glass of warm water.

How 'bout a glass of warm piss?

C'mon, that's a little too punk rock even for me.

Give me that marker.

What are you gonna write?

You'll see. Hey is that duct tape still laying around?

Shit, this isn't legal.

It's definitely justice though.

So that was my interview with The Vag Girls and to some extent, the Woodrows. Incidentally, I don't like these bands anymore. I know what you're thinking. I'm just pissed because I woke up on the train naked and bound in duct tape, with 'Asshole' written across my forehead, but I recently went back and listened to all my Vag Girls and Woodrows records and they really suck.

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