Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Welcome to The Reglar Wiglar

WE ARE HERE FOR YOU
For those of you new to the The Reglar Wiglar Electronic Text-Based Humor Simulator, let us assure you that ours is a company that has been associated with high quality since 1993. We are here for you.

WE WILL BE HAPPY TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS
We will be happy to answer each and every one of your questions, however inane or downright stupid those questions might be. They say there's no such thing as a stupid question, but hey, you've asked quite a few in your day, haven't you? Sure you have.

WE ARE NOT A BLOG
Blogs are silly. Blogs are platforms for individuals to share their opinions, interests and views of the world with the world. They reveal too much about their creators' personal lives and that shows weakness. Weakness is morally wrong and makes you stand out from the pack as prey. We have no desire to be prey.

YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO US
You, the reader, are our sole reason for existing. The Reglar Wiglar Electronic Text-Based Humor Simulator is here to entertain you and make your day a little brighter by adding a touch of cynicism that only a true burnout like yourself could appreciate.

WE ARE COMMITTED TO YOU
We have your needs in mind when we work on an entry to this site. "What would our readers like to see in our pages?" we ask ourselves daily. "What would make them happy?" or "What would offend them or our advertisers?" Nothing we'd care to publish, that's for sure.

WE WANT TO HELP YOU
When you have a problem with The Reglar Wiglar Electronic Text-Based Humor Simulator, we respond quickly, attentively, sympathetically. When you "don't get" one of our posts, we guide you through to the punch-line. We help you see the humor and "get the joke", effectively, courteously.

WE ARE COMMITTED TO YOU
At the The Reglar Wiglar Electronic Text-Based Humor Simulator we want to make your every experience with us an enjoyable one. We know you have unique needs and we want to live up to your expectations. The importance of a satisfied readership is the cornerstone of our operation. It is our goal to leave you satisfied. We are committed to that goal.

REGLARWIGLAR.COM

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Reglar Wiglar Life Lessons

MAKING THE LEAST OF YOUR TIME

Unapologetically by Tom Ziegler

Originally published in RW #8, 1997

On this, the Twelfth Anniversary of my entering the work force, I am proud to announce that I have finally mastered the art of slacking off. Years of self-discipline, keen observation and a careful study of employer's habits have provided me with the skills needed to fully get the least out of my time on the clock. Certain critics have sanctimoniously disparaged my efforts with a trite. "if you spent the time you spend wasting time, on trying to make something of yourself, you could really be somewhere by now"; certain critics are also thirty-five and still wear a name tag to work.

In the spirit of the occasion, I am moved to impart my wisdom to the masses (masses being a relative term, since our readership can be tallied in the single digits). So find that out-of-the-way corner at whatever job it is you hold and spend a little company time picking up a few points.

WHEN SEEN, ALWAYS LOOK BUSY

This would be the first and foremost--the cardinal rule of slacking off. Since most managers and supervisors are promoted from within, one would expect their advancement to result from years of dedication and service. More often than not, however, the selection is based on the employee who gives the bossman's boots the most thorough tongue bath. As a result, your supervisor will not necessarily be noted for his or her mental acumen, rather their speech will more likely have been reduced to heroic couplets i.e. "if there's time to lean, then there's time to clean", etc.

While your ability to identify the rhyme scheme as iambic pentameter may have scored you points in that literature class back in college, it's not going to amount to a hill of beans when it comes time to clean the grease trap and you're standing there with your thumb up an orifice. Wipe a counter. Sweep a floor. Straighten something. Look busy.

READ THE REST AT REGLARWIGLAR.COM

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Reglar Wiglar Life Lessons

HOW TO BE A SMART-ASS WITHOUT GETTING YOUR SKINNY LITTLE BUTT KICKED IN WHILE MAINTAINING AN OVERALL SENSE OF SUPERIORTY

Unapologetically by Tom Ziegler

Originally published in RW #1, 1993

Are you fed up? Does every last loser on this festering hole of a planet grate on the one nerve you have left? Are your friends a bunch of leeching sycophants, or do they simply ignore you, those snobs? Is your family out to get you--Mom and Dad will just not get off your back to finish school, get a real goddamn job, find a mate? What about your job--slogging away forty plus hours a week, punching buttons on a computer, absorbing cathode rays until your bones glow green through your skin for some no-neck boss, breathing down your butt, a cretin who revels in reminding you that yes, you are indeed expendable, so you better drop that attitude mister, and remember this is your life? Are you having a hard time sticking to Mom's old adage, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all?" Are you sick of listening to self-righteous assholes prattle on about how much they hate their friends, family and their boss?

If you gave a big fat YES to any of these questions, if you feel as though you can go no further, if you are ready to just pitch it all, I suggest you consult a therapist. What the fuck do I look like Ann Landers? Sorry, Charlie, sucks to be you.

READ THE REST AT REGLARWIGLAR.COM

Friday, June 26, 2009

Sheesh!

A few more weeks like this, and John Battles is going to be writing the next Roctober all by himself!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Gary Panter interview at Comics Comics

Megastar RW #21 interviewee Gary Panter just keeps on truckin'. Listen to an in depth interview with him right over here.

It's inpir/persper-ational!

Friday, June 05, 2009

CGI COMEDY

The latest and greatest Dinosaur Jr. video:

Reglar Wiglar Comic Review: Killing Time Before the Party: Comics About Playing in a Band by People who Play in Bands


This forty page comic compilation features, as the subtitle suggests, comics contributions by people who play in bands. Featuring twenty-two collaborators, Killing Time details the joys and pains of a life in rock and roll. We're not talking about a Van Halen/Aerosmith, rich-as-fuck lifestyle mind you, but rather a hand-to-mouth, labor of love existence stuck to underbelly of the underground. Publisher Justin Melkmann was inspired to produce this comic after making the connection that people who play in bands must also possess talent in other artistic areas and no doubt made comics like himself. Melkmann relates anecdotes of his time in NYC punk band World War IX. Abby Denson (Liberteens, Girlymen, etc) turns in "Bass Mistress" a comic about her love affair with the bass guitar. Other notable contributions include an an illustrated European tour diary of the band Nightingales by Christy Edwards; punk rock drummer/cartoonist Brian Walsby dispels the myth of being a punk rock drummer/cartoonist and Sergio Zuniga provides us with the violent yet humorous "I'm in a Band" comic about the perils of rockin' out. Cover price is $3. Contact Justin at jmelkmann@hotmail.com. Check out www.melkmanncomics.blogspot.com

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

The Reglar Wiglar Record Review of Let the Dominoes Fall by Rancid!


I never knew me too much about this band Rancid, other than a string of major red flags: media-industrial complex backed, relatively mega-selling ska/street/pop punk rawk, presumably popular in malls, performed by living breathing cartoon punk rockers (complete with fake British accents) and shamelessly derivative of better bands that I probably don't care to listen to much anyway. No thanx, I always thought, I'll die listening to god-damn Green Day before I give a second of my time over to this shite. But I'll be dipped in mohawk wax if I'm not kinda going bonkers for this brand new Rancid album.
I wasn't wrong about where these guys are coming from aesthetically, but I was wrong about my capacity to enjoy it. This is a record chock full of toe-tapping, fist-pumping jams (and a handful of tender ones) certain to keep the pits full all summer long.
Rating: two boots straight up in the air!