Friday, January 30, 2009

Reglar Wiglar CD Review: Cool Devices


Cool Devices
Cool Devices (Power Recordings)

Cool Devices pick up where Jason Fredrick's previous group, The Means, left off, or as I should say, he left off with them (The Means soldier on in their Columbus OH, homebase, with a new singer/guitar player at the helm). After the perhaps less than amicable split with the aforementioned Means, Jason recorded a few records with the more acoustic-based and ballady Love Story in Blood Red. The self-titled Cool Devices CD is a return to the raw form of the aforementioned Means. Recorded before Fredrick packed up and moved to NYC, this seven song disc contains more of the barely contained rage and the ominous, threatening lyrical subject matter that fans of the aforementioned Means have grown accustomed to. Included on this disc, in fact, is a reworked version of "Primitive" from the The Means' 2002 album Vil/Viol CD (DPG). All in all this disc is a good primer for, or a reminder of the hard rockin' and screamy energy of the aforementioned Means. Cool Devices keep the creep rock torch burning. Long live rock that gives you the creeps--Steve Stoned

More reviews: r-dub

Reglar Wiglar Comic Review: Slap in the Face: My Obsession with G.G. Allin


Comic artist (and guitarist in the punk rock band, WWIX), Justin Melkmann created this comic book to chronicle his relationship with scum rock icon G.G. Allin. Justin is a self-professed GG junkie who has been a fan of the man since the late 1980s. As an angry young 18 year old college freshman, Justin found that he identified more with GG than with the jocko-frat boys he was suddenly surrounded with. He eventually befriend GG after writing to him at the address listed on the back of GG's records. Justin suggested to his new pen pal that he film a documentary on his life. GG, receptive to the idea, introduced Justin to his brother and bandmate Merle, as well as the Allin parents and various member of GG's bands. The documentary project was abandoned after Justin learned that Todd Phillips was also making a doc. film on GG (Hated). Justin switched gears and mediums and began producing a series of biographical comics on GG for the New York Waste. This eventually prompted a cease and desist order from the formerly cooperative Merle Allin. Surprised that Merle had a change of heart after he had condoned the documentary film idea, Melkmann shifted the focus of the comic away from GG's story, to his own story as an GG obsessed young punk. This comic is the fruit of that labor. The drawings are crude, by Justin's own admission, but the story is an interesting one, following the evolution of one person's obsession with a controversial subject matter. It also provides yet another small glimpse into what some call the genius (and others call the depravity) of the ultimate scum rocker, GG Allin, who died of a drug overdose in 1993. It also documents the path of Melkmann's life from a drunken twenty-something slacker who's pissing his life away with drink and drugs, to starting his own punk rock band and eventually landing a job at the fledgling Daily Show, where he is still employed as a segment producer and music director.

Slap in the Face: My Obsession with G.G. Allin
By Justin Melkmann

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Classic Albums


Shit or Get Off the Pot (RoosterCow) 1980

That's the Woodows' way of saying "put up or shut up," and that's exactly what our boys do on this 15 minute blast of pure punk rock energy. Features some early Woodrow classics like "Weed Bag," "Purple Nurple," "Charlie Nutsack," and the romantic ballad, "(Sorry, Baby) Too Stoned to Bone."

Woodrow Discography

Monday, January 26, 2009

A Record Review by Dunc the Punk


Soft Targets
Soft Targets Must Be Destroyed (RoosterCow)

With Obama now at the helm, we hear lots of talk about America changing. Well obviously not if they are continuing to export this sort of Brad Pitt. Music Dunc can't Adam & Eve in. The Soft Targets must be destroyed? Dunc reckons the whole fucking country should be.

Dunc's guide to cockney rhyming slang:

Brad Pitt = shit
Adam & Eve = believe

The opinions of Dunc the Punk do not reflect those of the Reglar Wiglar or, quite possibly, anyone anywhere.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Freshly Archived Material

Angry? Read all of Dunc the Punk's pissed off Record Reviews.

Don't like to read much? Read all of the Reglar Wiglar's economical One Word Record Reviews.

Feeling all arty and shit? Read all of the Reglar Wiglar's patented Haiku Record Reviews.

Is time tight? Read all of the Reglar Wiglar's Reviews Written in 45 Seconds.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Midwest Scene Report

DUBUQUE, IOWA

Not really much of a scene going on here.

ROCKFORD, ILLINOIS

Nah, not much happening here either.

GARY, INDIANA

Nope.

AKRON, OHIO

Nope.

TOPEKA, KANSAS

Nope.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Bastige Von Curr's Tips on Proper Phone Etiquette

ORDERING DELIVERY

When ordering food for delivery, don't worry about having your credit card ready. Is it upstairs in your other purse? Is it out in the car? That's ok, go get it, they'll wait, after all, they want your business. It doesn't matter that they may be busy. Take your time.

See previous post for Bastige Von Curr's Tips for Ordering Take Out, then apply the following techniques for delivery. After you've finished ordering, but before they have a chance to give you the total, ask for the total. Act all surprised at the price. Ask for a break down then tell them you still don't see how that adds up to the price they've given you. Take your time, let the information sink in. "Ahhh, the tax, I forgot about the tax!!! Because there's taxes on everything these days. HAHAHAHA!!!"

If they tell you that your delivery will be about an hour, repeat that back in a shocked voice, "An hour!?" It's just an estimate of course, and there's no way they can tell you exactly when it will arrive, but tell them that if they could get it there sooner, you'd appreciate it.

They may have said an hour, but don't bother looking at your watch to see when you called. Listen to your stomach instead. If your fat gut tells your pizza should have arrived by now, don't hesitate to call up the restaurant and demand to know where your food is. Be a dick about it and demand to know exactly where the driver is and the exact minute he or she will arrive. What? They don't have a GPS tracking device on your Chinese take-out? They're not tracking your meatball sandwich with a satellite? Assholes! Demand a discount.

The views of Bastige Von Curr, as right-on as they may be, do not reflect the views of the Reglar Wiglar, even though you would think they do since we are the ones publishing them in this forum, but you know, we gotta say they're not for some reason. At least this is what our lawyer, Jim Willy, Jr., Esq, has advised us to say.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

SpaceBook: DEATH FUNGUS I

In the beginning God created Earth. It took him several days but on the eighth day, God created Death Fungus and it was naaaasty!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Bastige Von Curr's Tips on Proper Phone Etiquette

ORDERING TAKE OUT

When ordering take out from a restaurant, it's really not necessary to take a look at the menu before you call in your order. There will be plenty of time to decide what you want once you're on the phone. This is especially important when you are ordering for a large group of people. The stooge taking your phone order is more than likely a big loser with nothing better to do than to spend ten minutes on the phone with you while you and your obnoxious buddies figure out what you want. And if you don't have a menu from that particular restaurant, no problem. The poor schmuck will be happy to describe every entree on the menu in great detail. Feel free to ask what their favorite dish is as well as what the most popular menu items are, how they're prepared, with what ingredients, etc, etc, etc. Get a quick run down on the price of each menu item as well. You are entitled to as much information as you demand. Ask how long your order will take. If they say twenty minutes, arrive at the restaurant in five and act all put out and impatient. Say something really clever like, "What are they killing the cow back there?" The restaurant drones will think that this is funny as they will have never heard that joke before. Don't tip them either. They make plenty of money, believe me.

The views of Bastige Von Curr, as right-on as they may be, do not reflect the views of the Reglar Wiglar, even though you would think they do since we are the ones publishing them in this forum, but you know, we gotta say they're not for some reason. At least this is what our lawyer, Jim Willy, Jr., Esq, has advised us to say.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Joe the Plumber Goes to Israel

Finally a real journalist!

"I liked back in World War I and World War II when you'd go to the theater and you'd see your troops on, you know, the screen and everyone would be real excited and happy for them. Now everyone's got an opinion and wants to downer-and down soldiers. You know, American soldiers or Israeli soldiers."--Joe the Plumber

Gee, Joe, like football? Do'yah mean you wished war was more like a football game?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Reglar Wiglar Comic Book Review: Invincible Iron Man #9

Hey, did you hear? Tony Stark is in trouble again, mainly due to the fact that now none other than NORMAN F**ING OSBORN has his old job of having Nick Fury's old job and, for instance, making sure alien shapeshifters don't conquer Earth-616 (or at least the USA part of it), among other things. Imagine if you were fired from your job as a warehouse manager or whatever and your boss says "Sorry my man, but I think it's time for you to move on, and we're going to hand the keys over to this guy who's simply LEGENDARY for terrorist acts against warehouses, because he just moved a big crate on tv." Anyway, I'm happy that Tony looks like Tony again. For a while, he had a goatee like in the movie, and for a while before that, he had a goatee AND he looked like Tom Cruise. Sorry, Stan. Tony Stark a) doesn't have a goatee, and b) he doesn't look like Tom Cruise, because c) he looks like this:





















They say comics aren't for kids anymore, and it's true. They're too expensive, and probably quite boring compared to video games and free online pornography or whatnot. Though they're certainly more engaging than Twitter, which is why kids these days are for shit, and you could do much worse than spending 3 bucks a month on Invincible Iron Man. It's not like Dan Clowes is coming out with a new issue of Eightball before the end of the decade or anything.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The DLR

This is what the past two thousand years of Western Civilization have been striving towards: www.thetyser.com

Monday, January 12, 2009

Reglar Wiglar Review: World War IX

World War IX
Brown Baggin It 7" EP

Skipping several wars ahead, this old school punk rock band from Brooklyn (yeah that's right, Real World Brooklyn!) gives us a future blast from the past. If I must reference a punk band from back in the dizzily day that I would compare WWIX to (and I must), I would have to say Circle Jerks. The singer reminds me of Keith Morris and that dude's snarly, gnarly pissed off punk rock rage-- sans the SoCal accent of course. The packaging for this seven inch record is highly conceptual being as it is, a brown paper bag, much like you would pack an egg salad sandwich in for lunch, or a forty of malt liquor for dinner.

World War IX revels in fast, straight forward punk rock with songs about drinking, ("Portrait of Sobriety"), drugging ("Treasure Hunt,"), religious freaking ("Jesus Freaks") and employees of the months ("Employee of the Month") which incidentally, was also the title of a fascinating film which combined the comic genius of Dane Cook with the sultry intensity of Jessica Simpson (their on-screen chemistry is explosive!) Any m*therf*cking way, World War IX will make you forget such things exist in our world and shift your attention back to the drink, drugs and freaks which are much easier to take.

World War IX
Red Black & Blue Records

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Previously on Lost

Some of the survivors run back and forth all over the island. A helicopter flies back and forth from the island to a boat. Hurley continues to pout like a big baby. Kate's shirt gets even dirtier. Jack is still kind of a dick. Sawyer gets laid again. At various points Ben gets smacked in the face with the butt of a gun or a fist. No questions are answered but some new ones are raised. Patience wears thin.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Bastige Von Curr's Tips on Proper Phone Etiquette

DIALING A WRONG NUMBER

As soon as you've determined that you've dialed a wrong number because the schmuck on the other line is obviously not your buddy, Chet, hang up immediately. You don't need to apologize to some a-hole just because you made a mistake, and there's no need to verify the number to make sure you have the correct one either. F 'em. You can always redial, and if you get the same idiot again you can simply slam the phone down on them a second time. What are they gonna do, cry?

The views of Bastige Von Curr, as right-on as they may be, do not reflect the views of the Reglar Wiglar, even though you would think they do since we are the ones publishing them in this forum, but you know, we gotta say they're not for some reason. At least this is what our lawyer, Jim Willy, Jr., Esq, has advised us to say.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Bastige Von Curr's Tips on Proper Phone Etiquette

RECEIVING A WRONG NUMBER

When receiving a wrong number, it is important to hang up immediately. The instant you determine that the call was made in error, whether by the foreign sounding accent of the caller or the fact that they're asking for Joe and your name is Janet (or in my case Bastige Von Curr), you should angrily slam the receiver down and end that bullshit right there. It should enrage you that someone could be so stupid as to misdial or get an incorrect number from a third party. Of course, hanging up immediately before determining the cause of the error will many times force the person to call back to make sure they haven't just dialed incorrectly. This is your opportunity to get further enraged and hang up on this idiot a second and hopefully final time as they will have really gotten the message this time.

The views of Bastige Von Curr, as right-on as they may be, do not reflect the views of the Reglar Wiglar, even though you would think they do since we are the ones publishing them in this forum, but you know, we gotta say they're not for some reason. At least this is what our lawyer, Jim Willy, Jr., Esq, has advised us to say.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Getting the Blog Back Together

Happy New Year
First of all, Happy New Year! !Próspero Año Nuevo! (pretend that first exclamation point is upside down if you would, gracias). Welcome to the New & Improved Reglar Wiglar Electronic Text-Based Humor Simulator and News and Reviews Depository or as it is known in Twenty-First Century parlance, a blog. What is different about this New & Improved Blog, you ask? Not much, except that we have vowed to post daily. We recognize and acknowledge that we have been extremely negligent in the past and promise to reverse that sad trend going forward.

reglarwiglar.com
Check out the new, slightly redesigned web site which we are working to improve daily. At the site you will find archives from the print edition of the Reglar Wiglar zine which was published from 1993 to 2005 and was eventually distributed in such faraway places as the Republic of Singapore and Overland Park, Kansas.

Zines are Dead
Are zines dead? At any rate, for whatever reason, there are plans for an extremely limited run print edition of the Reglar Wiglar this year. Yes, it will by a dreaded and cliched themed issue about jobs and how they suck, which is why we try not to have them here. Details on that to follow at some point.

(Up) Yours,

Joey Germ

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Wunder Boner

Reglar Wiglar Idiotorial: The Whiff of Taint


The question of the day is, will Rod Blagojevich's appointment of Roland Burris to a US Senate seat carry the whiff of taint? Will the seat itself be covered with taint? As for the Reglar Wiglar Iditorial Board, we smell taint and it stinks. Our beleaguered Blago is up to his chin in taint and unfortunately he is forever stained as a result. The question remains, however, will Mr. Burris be able to avoid Blago's taint or is he so covered in the Governor's taint that it may smother him. We feel that although G-Rod's taint may kill Roland Burris politically, there t'aint much he can do about it.

R.I.P. Ron Asheston


Stooged.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Classic Albums

Run, Woodrow, Run (RoosterCow) 1980
Run, Woodrow, Run! Good advice if you're a Woodrow. This is the classic first album from this scruffy punk rock troupe. Running time is only 10 minutes but that's enough for 30 raunchy Woodrow gems: "Piss Pants," "Ricky's Got a Boner," "Naked Twister," "Firecracker," "Zonked Out!" "Bum Rap (Revisited)," "Just Got Out of Jail and I Feel Like Gettin' F'd Up" plus 23 more!

Check out the (almost) complete
Woodrows Discography!

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Dear Rocker III

Every once in awhile we like to introduce a new feature to delight and amuse our readership. This time it's in the form of an advice column for all you would be rockers out there, whoever you are. You are now free to ask the Rocker, cuz the Rocker is in!

ROCK STAR SMACK DOWN

Dear Rocker,

I need you to settle a bet I have with my little brother. Who would win in a no-holds barred, UFC style, three-way fight: Henry Rollins, The Misfit's Jerry Only, or Violent J of the Insane Clown Posse?

Keep it real.

Pete in Alsip

Pete,

I always keep it real, brother. Wow, now that's a tickle fight I wanna see. Why don't you throw Arnold Horshack or Manute Boll in there too, just for yucks. But seriously, I don't know what UFC-style is but if it's back biting and hair pulling with the occasional eye jab, then I'd bet my money on Violent J. I bet he fights like a girl. In a clean fight, however, I might stick with Rollins on this one. Jerry's no slouch, don't get me wrong, but the guy's forty-five years old. Not that Old Man Rollins is any spring chicken at forty-three, but when you get up there in age like that, every year counts. Besides, Jerry's "devil lock" might hinder his vision and allow Hank to get a couple quick jabs in there. Rollins in nine rounds.

You're welcome.

The Rocker

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Dear Rocker II

Every once in awhile we like to introduce a new feature to delight and amuse our readership. This time it's in the form of an advice column for all you would be rockers out there, whoever you are. You are now free to ask the Rocker, cuz the Rocker is in!

DON'T PUT THE CART BEFORE THE HORSE

Dear Rocker,

I am in a band called Crying for April. We are a four piece group that plays moody, atmospheric pop music with a hard edge. Fans of Shins and Dashboard Confessional would find us to be similar artists. We're still working out what our exact audience is, but we think we know who our target audience is. We're looking for a label that will nurture us through our career (probably about three full-length releases before the inevitable breakup and announcements for solo projects), promote us as an "aggressive development artis," and respect our creative input throughout the recording process. I guess my question is, we've only been together a few months, how do we get a show?

Sebastian Newhouse, Crying for April
Schaumburg, IL

Dear Sebastian,

Call 1-336-226-1488. If no one answers, let it keep ringing. Someone will eventually pick up the phone.

You're welcome.

The Rocker

Friday, January 02, 2009

Reglar Wiglar Film Review: Tropic Thunder

Selected quote from Tropic Thunder
"I'm a lead farmer, motherfuckers!"

Aside from that, a bad, forgettable movie. Chock full of laffs but ultimately shallow and unsatisfying. It's no The Cable Guy by any stretch. It's also no Anchorman, but it's dangerously close. Terrible script and waste of talent.
Ben Stiller and Jack Black are both extremely overrated, as they are both not quite funny in this movie, just as they almost always are..
Robert Downey Jr., of course, delivers a tour de force performance.
Tom Cruise and Jay Baruchel, both excellent actors, also do quite well with extremely shitty material, but not enough to rescue this pitiful effort.

ANALYSIS: Basically sucks. For comedy completists and Downey-philes (and/or Cruise-o-maniacs) only.