Thursday, July 16, 2009

Reglar Wiglar Life Lessons

SAVE THE PLANET

Unapologetically by Tom Ziegler

Originally published in RW #2, 1994

The other night I was watching TV and this ad came on, well, it wasn't really an ad, it was more like one of those public service announcements they put on at three AM, sandwiched between the missing children reports, right after you've killed a twelve-pack of Old Style King Kans and all the stores are closed except for Land of a Thousand Liquors up on Belmont, but they charge $4.75 for a six-pack, and you just don't feel like embarking on a lengthy automobile excursion and facing the possibility of an accident--or worse yet--spending the night in jail.

So the only thing left to do is turn out all the lights, search the fridge for something that hasn't molded over yet and turn on the tube to some low-budget UHF station that shows B-Movies all night. I prefer the Lost Amazonians on Mars genre, but at that point in the evening, I'll settle for Dionne Warwick's Psychic Friends Network.

Usually, the first station I hit is the one I watch until my eyeballs have crawled back into my head and my tongue has fixed itself to the roof of my mouth with a bond stronger than any adhesive you can get a the checkout counter at Piggly Wiggly.

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