Reglar Wiglar Historians have unearthed this gem originally published in RW #3, 1994
ZIMA WITH A 'Z'
Unapologetically by Tom Ziegler
Zo, what iz thiz ztuff? SHUTUP! Speak English, goddmammit. I watch just a little too much tv and lately my screen has been inundated with ads for Zima. Not only are they on my tube, their ads are on the sides of busses, in magazines, on el platforms, basically, your average all-out media blitz.
Like most products aimed at a hipper, younger demographic (my grandpa is not going to be sitting in front of the tube asking, What iz thiz ztuff?) Zima has a spokesperson in the guise of some reject from the sweat hogs--kind of a cross between Horshak and Epstein--wearing an oversized white suit with Chuck Taylors and a goofy fedora. The fedora seems to be some sort of running joke in the series of television commercials; other characters comment, "Nice Hat." I don't get it. I don't care. The sweat hog keeps speaking in forced alliteration, substituting Z's where the S's should be, as I have so illustrated. Perhaps he's had a few Zima's himself.
Even a communications major could tell you that the whole ploy of this less-than-brilliant ad campaign is to surround this Zima shit with an aura of mystery--it's not a beer; it's not a wine cooler; it's not your father's Oldsmobile--in the hopes of piquing the consumer's curiosity, so that he or she will run, run, run out to the nearest liquor store and pick up a six.
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